He smiled at the absurd yet truthful realization. What did he do now?
You better get busy making it so.
Was she inviting him to seal their vows, seal their fate?
Once he made love to her that would be it. He’d never let her go. Had she been telling him that it was her wish to remain his wife?
Still, there was much to be settled. How did he offer her any kind of life without laying the past to rest? And could he?
He shook his head, feeling at war with himself. Part of him told himself to let her go, he was no good for her, and the other part urged him to return to the bedchamber and plant his seed deep inside her, sealing them together forever.
He continued on to his grandmother, needing time to think and wishing she was lucid. She was a wise woman his grandmother and she had offered him endless advice through the years, that he had benefited from. He could use her wisdom now.
Eleanor left shortly after he entered the room. He moved the chair closer to the bed and took his grandmother’s hand in his. Her hand, while small, had always held such strength, felt fragile now and caused him to worry. But he trusted Willow. She knew about healing, though she didn’t consider herself a healer. In time she would realize her skills as her mother probably had recognized her latent talent and had taught her well.
“I need to talk, Seanmhair,” he said. “I need your wisdom.” He proceeded to tell her all and every now and then he could have sworn she had squeezed his hand, though it might have been that he had wanted to believe that she did.
Eleanor returned a couple of hours later. “It has been a tiresome journey for you and Willow. Go sleep. I will watch over Sara for the night.”
He consented, though with guilt. He felt he should stay with his grandmother, but he wanted to be with his wife. Though, it might not be wise to join her in bed, especially a decent, comfortable bed, that accommodated more than one person.
After thanking Eleanor for her help, he rushed up the stairs and to the bedchamber he would share with Willow. He found her asleep in bed, lying on her side hugging her pillow.
He was relieved or so he told himself. He hadn’t wanted temptation poking at him and temptation was surely poking, though more like jabbing hard at him. A thought brought an image to mind of him sliding gently between his wife’s legs and burying his manhood deep inside her and leaving her… with child.
What was he thinking? He couldn’t do that. Not yet at least. He wouldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t let her wake one morning to find him gone.
He told himself not to remove his garments, not get in bed naked, but he paid no mind to his own warnings. Besides, she wore a nightdress, one he itched to remove, but warned himself against doing. He eased himself up against her, his arm going around her waist to draw her slowly back against him. She was toasty warm, her flowery scent ridiculously tempting, so much so that his manhood roused considerably.
He buried his face in her slightly damp hair and enjoyed its fresh scent. She smelled so good and felt so good that he could devour her, except… she snored lightly.
She was exhausted and he couldn’t bring himself to disturb her, even if his manhood urged otherwise.
He settled comfortably around her, thinking how easily he had grown accustomed to sleeping with her. He’d never felt that way about a woman. A woman had meant nothing more to him than a way to satisfy a need and a warm body to wrap himself around on a cold night.
With Willow, it was more than a need. It was a feeling of being content when he was with her, and suffering an empty ache when separated from her. And being wrapped around her warm body felt like a welcoming hug after being away from home.
Damn, he did love her, and he had no idea what he was going to do about it.
Willow woke alone, though she hadn’t slept alone. She had woken during the night to find herself snuggled against her husband. She had never felt as content as she had at that moment. She had been tempted to stir him awake with an intimate touch, but she had asked herself if that was what she wanted, to take advantage of their situation? It had been an easy decision. She wanted her husband to decide for himself if he wished to remain wed to her. She would not have passion decide their fate.
There was much to be done today and with a long, easy stretch, she eased herself out of bed. She donned her garments, combed and plaited her hair, slipped her boots on, and left the bedchamber to see how Sara had fared the night and certain that was where she’d find her husband. Afterwards, she’d speak with James. She owed him that and she knew exactly where he’d be at this early hour… in his solar. It was a habit of his to go there in the morning upon rising and plan what needed to be done that day.