If Carlotta had been anything but affably curious, Lauren might have been more cagey with her answers, but she found herself relaxing and wanting to confide as if they were longtime friends. It took all Lauren’s concentration to keep from opening up more about her reasons for being here with Paolo today.
“I think his friendship with Ryan makes him feel responsible for me,” Lauren hazarded as an excuse for her presence, heart panging at how true that was. Sexual desire aside, duty had brought him to Charleston and was the reason he had proposed.
She had to fight letting the corners of her mouth be tugged down by the thought.
“Paolo was devastated by Ryan’s death. I’d never seen him like that except perhaps after my husband’s death,” Carlotta said with a pang.
Lauren left her nose in a freesia for a moment, thinking of how tortured Paolo had been in Charleston. That night hadn’t been all sex. First Paolo had railed at God and war and his good friend while Lauren had silently wished she had been enough for Ryan so he would have been home with her and wouldn’t have sent Paolo pacing and cursing and shaking his fists at the fates.
“He took Ryan’s death very personally,” she confided, needing to clear a catch from her throat. “He resents any kind of loss.”
“You know him well.” Carlotta cut her a swift, measuring look.
“I know his type,” Lauren responded wryly.
Carlotta turned from stirring a rich, red sauce to cock her head at Lauren. “He and Ryan weren’t as alike as most believe. They were both headstrong, high-energy boys, I’ll admit, but Paolo was always testing himself, not us or our love. Elenore is my friend and I adore her, but Chris was hard on all of them. Paolo was driven by goals, but for Ryan, if his father said he couldn’t, Ryan had to prove he could. He was like that with Paolo at times, straining Paolo’s allegiance he was so stubbornly single-minded.”
Like his determination to marry her when Lauren had said she was waiting for marriage. She hadn’t been trying to manipulate him. Even Mamie had urged her, Just have an affair, chou, but Lauren had been such a good girl, so determined to keep her mother’s love and approval, she had stuck by her price. Ryan had insisted on paying it rather than walk away. Because he was pigheaded? Or something else?#p#????#e#
A thought flitted into Lauren’s head. Had Ryan been trying to score a point against Paolo? Had he known Paolo was attracted to her and married her despite—perhaps even because of—Paolo’s disapproval? She shook it off. Paolo hadn’t known she and Ryan had stayed in touch after New York. She frowned.
“All right?” Carlotta prompted gently.
Lauren swallowed the scraped sensation at the back of her throat. “Just wondering why Ryan married me when he viewed settling down as giving up.”
The words rang in the quiet room. Lauren took an appalled moment to absorb that she’d actually said them aloud. She couldn’t imagine what Carlotta thought of her.
Carlotta only smiled tenderly beyond the window over the sink. “Paolo doesn’t see it that way. He knows bambinos are an adventure in their own way. Look at him.” She nodded at the glass.
Lauren felt a hitch of poignant anxiety as she moved to see Paolo holding up a swing so the occupant, Maria’s daughter, was nose to nose with him. The girl’s coloring and spirited grin gave the impression she could have been his daughter, not his niece. Whatever instructions she was imparting were making him nod very seriously until the conversation ended in a kiss on her forehead. He released her with a splay of his fingers, sending her sailing backward with a scream of delight. As she flew forward, he waited until the last second before he stepped back and lifted his hand above his head so she could aim for his fingertips with her toes.
Without thinking, Lauren let her hand settle on her abdomen where his blood, his genetics, his bambino, grew. Paolo would be an amazing father, she could see it. He would love his child in all the ways she dimly remembered her father had loved her.
If he ever acknowledged this baby as his.
Her heart invaded her throat, pulsing with a helpless ache. She knew the baby was his and he had already admitted he would come to care for the child even if he never believed it was. That was enough, wasn’t it?
No, Lauren’s heart cried.
“Paolo often takes on responsibility without being asked. I think that’s what seeded his friendship with Ryan. He was trying to keep the American boy from killing himself with crazy stunts. I worry sometimes that he carries too much and doesn’t know when to ask for help.” Turning to face Lauren, Carlotta spoke with heart-stopping sobriety. “Much has been made of your staying with him in Charleston, but if you were there for him when he was hurting, I’m indebted to you.”