“That’s what I was thinking. They never mentioned it, ever. It’s not like it was a giant secret, though. You’re the outside of a Hostess and they’re the center.”
The image of the round chocolate cupcake popped into my head, causing me to laugh. “Thanks for that.”
“It’s what I do. Gavin wants to meet up later. Should I go?”
I was thrown by both the sudden change of subject and the mention of Judas’ best friend. Why was she asking me?
My advice to her would be hypocritical at best. She should stay as far away from him as possible.
I got the allure, unfortunately.
Gavin, like Judas, was built like a world-class athlete, tall with his blonde hair a shade different than hers and an odd shade of blue eyes, the boy was beautiful. He was also toxic and dangerous. I could tell myself the same damn thing about Judas. See how that was working out?
“How much do you like him?” I found myself asking. I made sure my tone was nonchalant.
“I don’t know. We haven’t sat around and had a deep heart to heart or anything. The sex is bomb doe.”
“Really?”
“His dick? Yes, girl.”
“No, Audrey. T-M-I. That isn’t what I meant,” I clarified with a laugh.
“I know it isn’t, but you’re my best friend so it’s honorary you know. Wanna tell me about Judas?”
I coughed and sat up. “Absolutely not.”
“That’s stingy, Rhia,” she deadpanned, “Hey, my mama needs help with the next batch of cookies. I’ll call you in a few, okay?”
“Yeah, thanks for listening to me.”
“I’m always here. You can tell me anything. I love you.”
Damn. I felt guilty all over again. I smothered a burst of emotion and forced a smile into my tone. “Love you, too.”
The phone beeped twice in my ear signaling the end of the call. I lowered it and stared at my screen, seeing no new messages in my inbox. Dad still hadn’t replied. I was too much of a coward to see if he read my text. I couldn’t handle him ignoring me right now.
So many thoughts and emotions were flying around inside my head. More than anything, I felt painfully alone. There was no one for me to turn to and share any of them with, not someone who would help me deal get through it.
I couldn’t dump this on Audrey, she would have no clue what to do.
Judas was both a remedy and a poison, I couldn’t share anything with him when he was the antagonist.
Mom and dad weren’t mom and dad. At least, not the ones who I had looked up to my entire life. They were different now—almost like strangers. Dad’s continued lack of reply was acid dumped on an already festering wound. He was my go-to, the man I always depended on. How could he break my heart like this?
When he saw me earlier, he smiled like everything was okay. He hugged me back and stood as a shield against the words meant to hurt. So, what the fuck was this? Did I need to corner this man and tell him I wasn’t a child anymore and I deserved to know the truth? He was my last resource of getting it. Judas and Evie clearly had their own shit going on.
No matter what I would love him. I wouldn’t abandon ship like he had. I didn’t have anyone else left, only myself. Lately she had me concerned she wasn’t strong enough to handle the answers I was seeking.
I liked to think I was capable enough to see this through if I chose to stay the course. Where had this cynical voice in my head come from? As I placed my cell on an airplane mode, I tried to recall who I was before the summer ended.
It was nearing midnight when he came back. I knew because I reached over and checked the time on my cell.
I had to squint to see past the bright display, switching off airplane mode while I was at it.
No one had shown up while he was away leaving me to believe he’d been out doing especially heinous things.
I dimmed my screen and sat the phone back on the nightstand seconds before he entered the room. I heard some of his clothing hit the floor and something solid land on the opposite bedside table before he slipped beneath the comforter, easily finding his way around in total darkness.
He didn’t hesitate to place himself directly behind me, covering my body with his scent and warmth. I didn’t have the energy to shove him away when he wrapped his arms around me in a lovers embrace.
“How long have you been asleep?” he spoke into my hair, placing a kiss on the back of my head.
I wanted to scream and rant like a petulant child. Why couldn’t he hold me like this when I needed it the most? His touch became gentle and caring when I was already falling apart and too fucking pissed off to want it. I withheld a sigh and forced myself to keep my shit together.