Gasping, Patty and I grabbed hands.
“Son-of-a-bitch. Y’all were having dirty sex while I was expressing the anal glands of an orange and white tabby. How unfair is my life right now?”
I tried not to laugh, but I lost the battle. My cousin was a veterinarian. She worked at her father’s vet clinic in town, and he usually made her take the Saturday morning shift. Whiskey and Rowdy were two of her favorite patients.
“As fun as that sounds, Patty, can we get back to Heather’s story?” I asked.
Waving her hand in the air, Patty nodded.
“Okay, so I walked out naked and made a bit of noise in the kitchen. Leaned over a lot more than a normal human being would do to put water into the coffee maker.”
We all laughed.
“I heard him clear his throat, and I turned around. His eyes nearly popped out of his head. I pretended to be slightly embarrassed while he tried to explain why he was in my house.”
“Then?” I prompted her to keep going.
A sheepish look moved over her face. “Then, shit got real. I mean, I was standing there naked, he only had on boxers and a hard-on that was mighty impressive. I licked my lips, and I looked right into his eyes and asked, “Kenny, would you like to fuck me? I’m really turned on right now.”
“Shut up!” Patty and I both said, falling into a fit of laughter. Heather laughed and took a drink of her margarita.
“Dead serious. I was horny as hell and I needed a penis in a desperate way.”
Someone next to us cleared their throat. We glanced that way to see a family sitting at the table beside us. The kids’ eyes were wide with intrigue while the parents were shooting Heather a look that should have knocked her ass to the ground.
“Sorry, y’all,” I quickly said.
We leaned in closer and kept our voices down as we continued to talk.
“So, Kenny stripped. We had a quick conversation about condoms, and we opted to forgo since neither of us had any.”
“Oh, hell no. That is not practicing safe sex, you horny toad!” Patty practically shouted.
The family at the next table got up and the dad tossed money while attempting to label us whores with his eyes. Before they walked off, the mother reached into her water and flicked it onto Heather.
“May the Lord forgive you…strumpet!”
Heather jerked back. “What the hell? Did she just try to bless me with her drinking water?”
We watched her walk out of the restaurant.
Patty turned to Heather and busted out laughing. “She called you a strumpet!”
The three of us fell into a fit of laughter. The kind of laughter where you have a hard time breathing—while tears fall down your face and you probably pee a little.
“Maybe we should save this conversation for later,” I said, wiping the tears from my face.
Patty leaned back and took in a few deep breaths as she got her laughing under control. “Oh man, that was funny as hell. She attempted to bless you with her water!”
Heather wiped at her forehead and face. “Well, that was new. Even for me.”
“Didn’t see that one coming, huh?” I asked, a giggle slipping free.
Heather smirked and shot me the finger.
“So y’all had unprotected sex?” Patty stated, her arms crossed over her chest.
With a heavy sigh, Heather nodded. “Not the best decision of my life, but my libido was in control and my God, the man has a dick that should be on display. I’m not kidding. It was beautiful. Thick, long, silky smooth.”
Heather closed her eyes and slowly shook her head. “Oh my God, I am a strumpet!”
“You’re on the pill, right?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yeah, but it was still stupid. To be honest, I don’t regret it for a minute. That was the best sex of my life and Kenny is, well, he’s such a great guy. And the way he treated me during and after…”
Patty and I leaned in closer again.
I slowly shook my head. “Don’t stop now because I swear to God I see something in your eyes that says you want more of Kenny, and I’m not talking about his pretty dick!”
“Beautiful dick. I said he had a beautiful dick.”
I waved her words off.
Heather gave a slight smile. “I really like him, y’all. I mean, I can’t stop thinking about him. I have this weird feeling in my chest every time he texts or calls.”
Patty and I exchanged looks and then focused back on Heather.
“Heather, you’ve been bitten by the bug! The love bug!” Patty said.
With a flush on her cheeks, she replied, “I have been bitten bad!”
“Two down, one to go!” I said, pointing to Patty who smiled and lifted her glass to us.
“I’ll drink to that!”
Miles
KYNSLEE LEANED AGAINST the door while I cleaned out Rosemary’s stall.
“How was your girls’ night?” I asked as I looked back at her. She smiled. The kind of smile that said she knew something and wanted desperately to tell me about it. It brought back memories of high school when Kynslee sat in the barn while I did chores and filled me in on all the gossip.