Rubbing the back of my neck, I faced my sister. “I was scared.”
Lana lifted a brow. “Of what?”
With a gruff laugh, I replied, “Everything?
She tilted her head. “That’s not a good enough answer, Miles, and that really isn’t going to fly as a response to Kynslee.”
I shrugged. “My life was about to change. Doing dangerous missions in the Marines was my job and I knew that. I knew there was an end goal. I thought I’d be out, and I’d move home, and things would fall back into place. Kynslee and I would pick up where we left off. But then thoughts started to swarm my mind the morning after Kynslee and I spent the night together.”
“That time you came home on leave? Before she started dating Jack? Y’all were together?”
“Yeah. The plan was to tell her how I felt about her. Tell her I wanted a future and ask her to wait. Five more years and then our promise to marry each other could be fulfilled. I knew it was asking a lot of her. But then I sort of freaked out. What if I died and left her all alone? Left her with nothing, just like Dad did with Mom.”
My sister looked like I had grown two heads. “Miles, you cannot compare yourself to our father! He cheated on Mom. You were in the military. Yes, you were gone a lot, but don’t you think Kynslee would rather have committed to you and started a life together than wait another five years, barely hearing from you?”
“I freaked, Lana. I fucking freaked out. I don’t know how else to explain it. I got called for a mission, easily the most dangerous one I’d ever been on. I overheard Jack asking her out and in that moment I decided it was best to let her go. I didn’t honestly think they would hit it off, but I didn’t want her waiting around and pining, either. I figured if she was still single when I got out, then we’d make a go of it.”
Her arms folded over her chest, cutely resting on her stomach. “I…don’t even know what to say to that stupid ass way of thinking.”
“Gosh, thanks, sis.”
“No, seriously. I get being scared, I get that. Commitment issues, I get that, too. I would understand that. But not being honest with her, telling her the truth and letting her decide what she wanted to do with her life, that’s what I don’t get. Why you robbed her of that.”
My fingers jerked through my hair. “Well, it’s in the past and there is nothing I can do about it now. Nothing. So I’m moving forward.”
“What about Kynslee, Miles? Have you stopped for one moment to question how she feels? You’re asking her to marry you based on a promise you made when you were eighteen. You’re assuming she still feels the same for you as she did five years ago. She’s moved on, Miles. You’re asking her to give up her chance of happiness with someone else. Someone who hasn’t strung her along for twelve years. Someone who isn’t you.”
Pushing off the counter, I glared at my sister. “And you don’t think she could be happy with me?”
“I don’t know. Could she? If the past twelve years are any indication of her level of happiness, then I’m going to say I’m doubtful.”
For the first time in my life, I doubted myself. Fuck. What if Kynslee had moved on? She admitted earlier that I’d hurt her, and that it would never happen again. I’d never hurt her on purpose, but what if my arrogance was taking the lead on all of this? Yes, she’d been single since she broke up with Jack, but I’d also known she’d gone out on a few dates since then from things my mother or Lana would say. Hell, even Kynslee admitted it when I talked or texted her sometimes. What if she truly didn’t want to be with me?
Lana sighed and reached for my hand. “Miles, don’t look like that. No one knows what is in Kynslee’s heart but her. It’s up to you to find out. Be open and honest with her. Show her what she means to you, not by swooping in and trying to be a knight in shining armor with this silly promise. It might have been romantic to her at eighteen, but thirty-year-old Kynslee has been through a lot and needs more than that. She needs to know she’s loved, cherished, and wanted for something other than a promise. She deserves that after what you’ve put her through.”
I nodded and squeezed her hand.
“She’s always been in love with you, Miles.”
I swallowed hard.
“How do you know that?” I asked, searching my sister’s face.
She giggled. “All you have to do is watch her when you walk into a room. Or when she catches a glimpse of you. Miles, that girl gave you her heart a long time ago, all you need to do is give her yours.”