“Steph, fuck. I made you cry. That is the last damn thing I wanted to. I can’t handle it when you cry. Baby, please stop.” He pulled me to him and held me tightly, caressing my tear-dampened locks away from my temple.
“I’m sorry. Why do you even want to be with me? You’ve got so much ahead of you, and I would only bring you down.”
“When have you ever brought me down, Steph? You are fucking beautiful, and every time you let me be near you, I feel like I’ve won a goddamn jackpot just by being in your presence. Don’t you know how amazing you are? You have the most creative mind I’ve ever known. Your dry wit is funny as hell, and you make me feel like I belong no matter where we go. Baby, without you I’d be nothing.”
Tears kept rolling down my cheeks as I listened to him.
“You make me feel alive. You challenge me. You never take any shit. You make me want to be a better man every day of my life. How could you not know that you’re my whole damn world?”
I wiped my eyes as Luca sat on the edge of the tub. He pulled me to him, and together we sat in an embrace that seemed to last an eternity.
“Steph, you’re the inspiration behind every song I ever wrote.”
Surrounded by pale-yellow rubber ducky wallpaper, Luca let me cry on his shoulder.
“I know what I want. I’m just scared of the outcome,” I told him.
“Steph, nothing has to happen tonight. I’m not expecting anything from you. I just want to hold you in my arms and wake up to your beautiful face. I can wait forever for you.”
I wanted to take our relationship to the next level, to see what we could become together as a couple. As best friends we were epic—maybe as lovers we could conquer the whole world. But the idea of chance, coupled with the possibility of losing him, brought crippling fear. Because losing Luca was one blow I couldn’t take.
He was the eternal optimist, and I was the wet blanket of realism. We’d always played those roles, and more often than not, Luca was right and I let fear dictate my moves. But this time there was too much at stake to chicken out. Shoving my fear aside, I trusted Luca with my life. Together, we walked back to my room, his strong, calloused hand wrapped around mine. Spending a night entangled in Luca’s arms sounded like a paradise I couldn’t refuse, and in that moment I knew, I knew it would always be Luca that everyone else in my life would have to live up to. He’d set the standard, his sincere love and devotion, and I knew that no matter what happened in life, he’d always be there for me. He’d catch me if I fell and love me always and anyway. The boy who never left me behind had become the man I wanted to spend my life with.
5
Luca
I woke up staring at the light-pink ceiling and smiled. Her room was ridiculous and hadn’t changed since we were eight years old. When we hit middle school, she told me that it was subversive, that the princesses were ironic. She was a “budding feminist,” and the princesses symbolized “female empowerment.” I knew she clung to them for sentimental reasons. She loved a good happily ever after, and fairy tales spoke to her need for safety and true love. Knowing Steph as well as I did was a gift. I’d watched her grow and evolve, and I knew her better than anybody else did. The same was true for her. She knew me better than I knew myself. I wouldn’t have it any other way—we were meant to be from the moment we pricked our fingers and became “blood twins” in my treehouse. She’d been a tomboy, a misfit, a nerd, and a scholar, but through it all she’d always been my Steph, the girl who could sing all of my songs in her sleep and beat me at cribbage.
I gazed at her in my arms, her dirty-blonde hair like spun gold with the morning sun hitting her face. Her mouth was slightly parted, and she snored ever so lightly. I never knew snoring could be so damn sexy, but with Steph, it all was a fucking turn-on. My ultimate fantasy had always been Steph in a bikini at the beach or public pool. My pre-pubescent fantasies weren’t Sports Illustrated models; they were my neighbor in pajamas.
I looked at her soft, creamy skin and the curve of her breasts. My cock was erect again, pressing against her thigh. Her white lace panties had only heightened my arousal. I needed a release before I exploded.
It killed me to move away from her sexy body, but I needed to relieve myself before it got too painful. In her bathroom, I smiled at the rubber duck wallpaper while I ran the shower. It was sweet that she hadn’t touched any of the decor that her mother picked out. Steph liked to come off as tough and capable. Don’t get me wrong, she was all of those qualities, but underneath it all, she was also tenderhearted and sentimental.