His words seemed to ignite something new in me. Knowing that I wasn’t alone in all this made me feel more confident and, strangely enough, more desirable. I smiled, grabbed his hand, and walked him upstairs to my room. As soon as the door closed behind us, I put my back to it and took a deep breath, Luca leaned in, pinning me to the door with his body. He didn’t say anything, but his gaze was intense enough to burn right through me. Luca approached everything in life with a great amount of passion, but being on the receiving end of that intensity was overwhelming.
I could feel the rise and fall of his chest against mine. My heart beat fast, while anticipation filled the room and the silence between us grew. I could feel his erection pressed against me, and the thrill was exhilarating. I wanted him. I wanted this. I wanted to get lost in his arms, escape in his touch, feel the world around me disappear until it was just the two of us. I wanted to be here with Luca forever, lost in the moment of connecting like this for the first time.
His lips gently brushed my cheek, moving seductively to my ear, his exhale coming fast against my cool skin. I felt like the star of a teen movie where the geeky girl gets the school quarterback or the peasant snags the prince. Those were my own hang-ups, because Luca never made me feel inferior. He always made me feel like I was perfect exactly how I was, and for that I loved him even more. He trailed soft kisses down my neck and back up, biting my earlobe and nibbling gently. I ran my fingers through his wavy hair, tugging the silky strands as he kissed my neck. Consummating the need I’d felt for so long simply took my breath away.
My head knocked back against the door, giving him complete exposure to the length of my neck. He teased the sensitive skin with delicate kisses and then took my mouth again with renewed vigor. My lips were already warm and swollen from so much attention.
“I’ve been imagining this for years,” he whispered against my skin. With hands around my waist, he yanked me to him, turned, and maneuvered me toward the bed.
The pink lace and Disney characters looking at me from four corners of my room gave me pause. Luca had been in my room thousands of times, and he knew all about my princess obsession, but right now the décor was not exactly a tool of seduction. I doubted I could do a home makeover before we got our clothes off. I could at least rip the Little Mermaid quilt off the bed before we slid between the sheets. Why didn’t I have something sexy, like satin or even plain cotton? I certainly wasn’t eight anymore.
Doubt made me tense .Luca noticed and stopped his intoxicating kisses. Clutching my forearms, he pulled back to make eye contact and really look at me.
“Steph, let’s get something straight before we go any further. You’re my best friend, and we’ve been through a lot, but I need you to know that no matter what happens, we’ll always be friends. Your friendship means more to me, and I don’t want anything to jeopardize that.”
I froze at his words. This was it. He was going to tell me he didn’t mean for it to go this far. I’d seen the movies. Girls like me didn’t get guys like him. He’d acted in the heat of passion and not based on a lifetime of want. I had to accept it as a fleeting moment and go back to who we were. Insecurity overcame me, and like a coward, I ran. I ran from my room and straight into the bathroom, locking myself in. It was an immature move, even for me. But I couldn’t hold the tears anymore, and I didn’t want him to see me cry. I’d ruined a friendship built upon years of trust with a single lusty kiss. I had to face the truth: we were never meant to be more, and that’s why nothing had ever happened before this point.
I heard a soft tap at the door. I swallowed down my sobs, but I still couldn’t stop the tears. Then, quietly at first, Luca’s singing voice came to me through the door. This time it was “Do You Want to Know a Secret” by The Beatles. As I listened to the words, I was able to stop my tears. Then the song stopped abruptly and Luca rapped on the door once again.
“Steph, if you don’t open this damn door right now, I’m gonna to break it down.”
I knew Luca well enough to know he’d make good on his threat if I didn’t let him in. He wasn’t violent, but he never let me shut him out when I was depressed or sad. I opened the door a crack, and he pushed his way through, bearing right down on me.