“Oh, is that all?”
She didn’t smile at my shaky quip. “I love you both, so much, and with all my heart. But if it comes down to a choice, I want you to know who’s camp I am very firmly in.
We sat in silence as I ate my sandwich and Michelle toyed with the remaining sugary pancakes that were still on her plate.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked finally.
Michelle frowned, her fingers fiddling with the neckline of her shirt.
“Because I want you both to be happy… And from what you’ve just told me and what I’ve seen since you two split – I think you might be able to help each other.”
“You really think so?”
She nodded, leaning forward and looking at me with all the love and trust that came from more than a decade of friendship. “I really do. And you know me, Amber. I’m rarely ever wrong about these things.”
I took a deep breath, sitting back and considering everything that she had told me. It was so much. Mind blowing. World inverting. And yet the answer was sitting right there in my mind, complicated, confusing, scary, but most definitely there. “In that case, I’d like to see.”
She pointed her fork at me, a slow smile growing across her features. “I think that can be arranged.”
Mickey
I putzed around my place, having nothing in particular to do and the pain in my face making me restless. I supposed that I could work out, but I didn’t want to. I could make something to eat, but I didn’t want to do that either.
No, I didn’t want to do much of anything.
It was like the whole world had been painted in shades of melancholy, everything muted in shades of monochrome. It didn’t make sense. I had won my fight and people were more interested in ever. My agent said he was anticipating several new offers every week and to prepare myself for a real intense media circuit once I was recovered.
I should have been happy.
But mostly I just felt empty.
I had let that emptiness effect my work too. I’d let far too many blows sneak through my defenses. It wasn’t the worst that I had ever been messed up, but it was definitely more than I should have.
Maybe… maybe it was because the physical pain was easier to deal with than whatever was going on inside of me. Ever since the whole thing went down with Amber, I felt like I was shuttling rapidly between rage and depression.
It wasn’t like me. While no one would ever exactly call me chipper, I was a generally easy-going guy. I liked going with the flow of things, focusing on enjoying positives rather than focusing on things that brought me down.
But I couldn’t now. The only thing I could do was replay that last night with Amber, and it just made me more and more grumpy.
Ugh. Grumpy. That made me sound like some discontented cat, or a toddler. I was neither of those things. I was a full-grown man and I needed to act like it.
But that was easier said than done.
“This is pathetic,” I groused to myself, burying my hands in the pockets of my hoody. Well, if I was going to be miserable, I could at least be miserable and drunk.
I crossed over to my bar, pulling some bourbon from one of the higher shelves and grabbing a glass from below. Crossing over to my comfiest armchair, I flopped down and poured the thing full.
But before I could take a single sip, a sharp knock surprised me. I nearly spilled the drink on myself and swore up and down before going to the front door.
“I thought we discussed this,” I said once I was close enough that my agent could hear me. Because who else would be showing up at my door so late at night? Michelle would have at least texted me first that she was on her way. “I don’t really want to talk about projects for a couple of days, no matter how big the paycheck is.”
I opened the door, but instead of my agent, or my trainer or even Michelle, there was Amber, looking up at me with so much in her eye that I was dumbstruck.
“Needed a break, huh? I can help with that.”
I stared at her, absolutely gobsmacked, and she just pushed past me, walking into my home like she belonged there.
“Amber?” I croaked once I came back to life. “Amber, you shouldn’t be here.”
Sure, I had plenty of fantasies about her all over my place. Naked except for an apron as I fucked her over one of the counters in my massive kitchen. Legs spread and hands in my hair as I ate her out on the dining room table I never used. Oh, so many in the shower.