Michelle swallowed hard, as if she was trying not to freak out. I couldn’t blame her. Goodness knows I had done plenty of my own freaking out when it had initially gone down.
“Shortly after that, I was working on a commercial and Mickey happened to be the male lead for it. We ended up working together and tension kinda grew between us. I don’t want to get to R rated because you are his sister. But let’s just say we both had a pretty good time together.”
“Then what happened between you?”
“He asked if I was just using him for sex.” I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. “I wasn’t. I honestly started to feel something for Mickey. It wasn’t just lust or passion making everything rose-tinted. I was shocked and insulted that he would even think that of me. But also…” I looked at her guiltily, licking my lips as I tended to do when I was nervous. “I can’t really blame him if that’s the impression he got? You know how I am, Michelle. I can be a little, uh…”
“Cold? Closed off? So, blinded by your ambition that there’s nothing else for you.”
I winced. “Yeah, all of that sounds pretty accurate.”
She smiled ever so slightly. “You’ve always been that way. I don’t know why he was especially surprised. You’re a good person, and you love deep, but in your own way. I’ve always understood that.”
I flushed at her kind words and reached out across the table. To my great relief, she reached for me too and our fingers interlaced. “Thank you. I’m sorry I let things come in the way of our friendship.”
She shook her head. “Nothing came in the way of us. I have long since accepted that you’re frontloading all of your work now so we can spend the rest of our thirties and forties being crazy and going on wild adventures.”
“I’d like that very much,” I said, voice cracking.
“Good. But first, finish the story.”
“Right.” I composed myself before I found where I had trailed off. “I left pissed as hell, telling him I wouldn’t even honor that question with a response, and we haven’t spoken since. I’ve checked up on him through social media and I saw his fight last night. I saw how he was beat up and I was worried. I’ve seen people go down for weeks from less severe injuries. He got hit in the head a couple of time…”
Michelle sighed and massaged the bridge of her nose. “Oh boy.”
I immediately stiffened up and waited for her to elaborate. It took her a good couple of minutes, but eventually she filled me in.
“So, I’m taking this all in. I’m gonna try and be a good friend, but my main focus is on my brother’s wellbeing. So,” She clapped her hands together and stared me down. “I want to answer this honestly. Did you know that Mickey has been in love with you since like the first time he laid eyes on you?”
“What?” My voice broke, “I – I mean, I knew he had a crush when we were younger, but I thought for sure he was over it-”
“He’s not.” Michelle’s tone was firm. I hated that she was confirming everything my subconscious had been whispering to me. All those little looks, the little jokes about not needing to divorce, the way he held me when we made love. I knew, in the back of my head I had always known, but I had never wanted to believe it. “He’s still in love with you, Amber. He probably thought you were just toying with him. Or after him for his looks. You have always been his dream girl, but you never paid him any attention. Now you’re both grown up and you’re suddenly ‘having a good time together’? Not to mention you left in a fit after he asked if you were just there for the sex -which I assumed right after you actually had sex.”
I buried my face in my hands and let out a groan.
“He must hate me!”
“No… He misses you. Amber, he’s been in love with you for over a decade. And I’m not saying that in a creepy, he’s been pining over you way. He’s dated, he’s moved on. But now you had to come swinging into his life like a wrecking team and dangle the fantasy of everything that could have been right in front of him. You’ve rekindled that old flame. I’m sorry, but you don’t get to walk away without making amends. You either need to break things off with him officially, put out that fire and never open that door again so I can have my brother back. Or…”
“Or what?”
She was so serious when she looked at me again that it made me hold my breath. “Or you open up in a way you never have before and see if you can let yourself love him like you so clearly want to.”