“Aziah.”
He flinches, but thankfully opens his eyes. When they focus back on me, some of the ache leaves his features. My eyes move to his hand and his eyes follow, then widen as if he didn’t realize what he was doing.
Slowly, he puts his hand back in his pocket and pulls it out again, keeping his fingers tightly closed.
“Where have you been this whole time?”
I drag my eyes away from his hand, wishing I had the nerve to go to him, peel away his fingers and see the damage he left behind.
“I was sent to a friend of the Moores, Marco and Gabriela.”
“Did they—”
I don’t let him finish. I know what he’s asking, but I can’t bear to hear the words.
“Yes.” My nightmare didn’t stop when I left Sweet Haven. It continued for fourteen more years.
Rage blazes in his eyes, the look so sharp it staggers me, and I hug my legs tighter.
“Where?”
“Just north of San Antonio.”
By his expression, he doesn’t like that answer. I can understand why. I was less than two hours away.
“You got away?” I nod. “How?”
I dig my nails into the sides of my calves. “We were out one day and came across Deanna and Mick, Jenny’s parents. I was twenty-four then, so it was ten years ago. They cornered me when I went to the bathroom. I didn’t remember who they were until they mentioned Sweet Haven and explained they were Jenny’s parents. I was scared at first, didn’t trust them, but then they told me how they escaped Sweet Haven years ago and were the ones who told the authorities about what was happening. They wanted me to go with them, and I was so desperate to get away from Marco and Gabriela that I took the chance. I figured it couldn’t be worse than what I was going through already, so I left with them. Two months later, we moved to Odessa.”
“Where are they now?” he growls, the blackness in his eyes turning sinister. The looks sends a shiver slithering down my spine.
“Deanna and Mick? They died nine months ago from a car accident.”
A pang hits my chest at the reminder. Deanna and Mick were the first adults after I was taken from Sweet Haven who were nice to me. They told me everything; from them being active Hell Night members until they had Jenny, to them growing to hate the activities, to their escape and plan to tell the authorities about the town, to the pain of leaving Jenny behind. Over the years, I grew to love them and was extremely grateful they persuaded me to go with them that day.
“No!” I almost jump at the harsh word. “Marco and Gabriela. Where are they?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
His eyes narrow dangerously, his fist clenching and unclenching. I wonder what he’s thinking. I personally don’t care where Marco and Gabriela are, so long as it’s far from me.
“Why are you just now coming back here? Why haven’t you ever tried to get in touch with Trouble?”
Guilt churns in my stomach. I missed my brother terribly, especially those first few years. We were very close growing up, and he tried his best to protect me as much as he could. I can’t count the times I’d sneak in his room at night to sleep with him when I had nightmares. He always held me tight and whispered stories to me until I fell asleep. That’s where my nickname Rella came from. Cinderella was my favorite story. He read it to me so many times, he didn’t need the book anymore. When we all decided to give ourselves nicknames because we hated our real names, I came up with Rella because I hoped my prince would save me one day. Unfortunately, that day never came. I never called Aziah by his nickname though. He was given his because he felt emotions about as much as a sack of potatoes. Or that’s what Trouble, Judge, and JW said. I always saw a different sid
e of him. He felt emotions, probably more than anyone else; he just learned how to hide it.
A tear slips from the corner of my eye and trickles down my cheek. I ignore it and look back at Aziah.
“I was scared,” I whisper, so low I’m not sure he hears me. Apparently he does, because his face contorts. “I knew you were all here. I had Deanna and Mick try to find you about six months after they took me from Marco and Gabriela. When they told me you were here, back in the same place that caused us all so much pain, it terrified me. I wanted my brother back, I wanted my friends back, I wanted you back, but I just couldn’t….” I shake my head and close my eyes, a couple of tears flying from my cheeks and landing on my hand. “I couldn’t come back here.”
When I open my eyes, I’m surprised to see that he’s no longer against the door, but only a couple of feet from me on his knees. I tense, every molecule in my body freezing, and the air in my lungs get stuck. It’s not him who sends fear racing through me, it’s anyone who gets within touching distance. It doesn’t simply scare me to have someone close, it terrifies me so much I do one of two things: become petrified or become hysterical. At the moment, I’m not sure which reaction I’ll have.
I throw my hand up in the air, desperate for him to stay back, at the same time wishing so much I wasn’t like this. I know he wants to offer comfort. I’d give anything to be able to accept it, but after living most of my life with people who have hurt me any time they touched me, it’s hard to learn to live life a different way. Marco and Gabriela didn’t limit their abuse to only once a month like the adults in Sweet Haven. I felt their filthy hands every day.
I know Aziah would never willingly hurt me, but it’s ingrained in me to automatically expect anyone close enough to hurt me.
“Please don’t,” I croak hoarsely, feeling my body closing down. My head swims and my mouth dries up. I will the terror away, but it stays locked inside, consuming me in its dark grip.