I couldn’t help it; I busted out laughing at the absurdity of the situation. “Care to elaborate?”
“Not much to tell,” he opened his book, eyes downcast.
“There’s always something to tell,” I pressed, my curiosity getting the best of me.
He looked up, flicking his straight dark hair out of his eyes. “Well, you see, when I was a freshman, I kind of ended up sleeping with her brother’s girlfriend. He found out and spouted off to me, but it didn’t go any farther than that. Until little Tate there found out. I didn’t know who she was at that point,” he smiled wistfully, “she sashayed up to me in the halls one day, laying it on thick I might add, and then kicked me in the balls. She started screaming about her brother and I figured out who she was pretty quick. I liked her spunk,” he shrugged. “From that day on, I couldn’t get her out of my head.”
I stared at him, mystified. “And yet you sleep around.”
“Hey, while I’m waiting for her to wake up and see that we’re gonna make babies one day, I don’t see the point in not having some fun.”
Boys.
“That makes no sense whatsoever,” I shook my head.
“It doesn’t have to,” he shrugged, his brows furrowing as he read.
I let the subject drop, trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness. Tatum and Jude knew each other. What were the odds? An
d Tate had a brother? She’d never mentioned a brother to me. She didn’t tell me a lot, just like I didn’t tell her much. I guessed we both had our secrets.
Thirty minutes later, I looked at the time and cursed under my breath. I needed to change and clock in.
I explained to Jude where I was running off to and he lifted his head in acknowledgement.
I ran to the restroom, pulling my change of clothes out of my backpack. I shucked my jeans and pulled on the black pencil skirt. My sweater went next, replaced with a white button down blouse that I tucked into the skirt.
I stuffed my school clothes into the bag and ran for the backroom to clock in. I knew Mary and none of the others would care if I was a little late, especially after the talk I’d had with Mary the previous time I was running behind. Besides, they already knew I was here studying.
Mary shook her head at me when I appeared at the desk. “Silly girl,” she muttered, before dolling out tasks.
I relaxed into the tranquil monotony of replacing books on shelves. Occasionally someone would ask me for help locating a particular book and I was happy to oblige. It made me sad that the library wasn’t as busy as it once was. With computers and kindles, most people didn’t see the need to come to the library.
Hours passed and soon it was time to close. I changed back into my school clothes, replaced my contacts with my glasses, and sat down at an empty table to get more studying done. The professors were going easy on us, with winter break approaching so soon, but I didn’t want to get behind. I needed to stay ahead of my studies.
Since the library typically closed early, I had a good hour of study time before I had to head home to feed the kids and get them ready for bed.
The times when I stayed late like this were the only break I seemed to get. Most would probably find the large library on the spooky side if they were here by themselves. I’d turned off most of the lights, expect for the ones in the section I occupied, and there was something eerie about the large black shadows casted by the bookshelves. I was never scared, though. This place…it was the only place that truly felt like home to me. It was welcoming and it was easy to lose myself in the scent of book pages.
I finished studying, but lingered for a few more minutes, letting my fingers glide along the spines of the books as I passed them by.
The minute I walked out of these doors, it was back to reality, and I wanted to feel this comfort for a little while longer. Silly? Definitely. However, I didn’t care.
My drive home was silent. I had no desire to listen to the radio. I knew when I walked in the door, I’d be assaulted by Tristan and Ivy’s endless chatter. I didn’t mind it though. I actually enjoyed talking to the kids. Right now, though, I needed silence—a clear head. My step-dad was back home, and my mom had been an even bigger bitch the last week than she normally was. I wondered if she’d seen me practically mauling Trent with my mouth and greedy hands in his car. If she had, she didn’t say anything. Something was off about her. Well, she was always in a mood, but more so than usual. She was a confusing person. I’d never understood why she drowned her sorrows in alcohol. Now, too much damage had been done for me to ever care to find out. I didn’t understand the lure of the bottle though. I wasn’t the type to give up. I fought. Maybe that was something I inherited from my dad—a man I didn’t even know the name of. My mom never talked about him. Supposedly he’d bailed before I was even born. With the lies she told though, my guess was that wasn’t even true. It sucked pretty bad when you couldn’t believe anything that came out of your mother’s mouth. She was the one person I should’ve been able to go to with anything, but I couldn’t. The one time I did…well, that was a story for another time.
I sat in the car, parked in the driveway, my hands clenching the steering wheel.
When did my life get so fucked up?
Had it happened when I was born?
Or had there been a time when I was a normal kid who loved her mom?
I didn’t know. I’d never know. For as long as I could remember I’d raised myself. Then Ivy, and finally Tristan. I couldn’t ever remember being a kid, playing with dolls, having sleepovers. All I had ever had was this hell.
I pushed my body out of the car, grabbing my stuff, and headed inside.
I moved mechanically.