“His behavior has nothing to do with that.”
Of course it did. This morning, she had allowed herself to hope they could talk out their problems and finally be happy. Being surrounded and touched by them had felt almost like their idyllic days at the lodge—until she’d halted everything. “I’ll call the therapist when the office opens and find out if she can see me today.”
Liam took the ingredients from her arms and set them on the nearby counter, then grasped her hands. “Raine, I just said he’s not upset about the ropes. And it’s not you. He loves you.”
For years, Hammer had taken care of her, protected her. He’d wanted her like hell once. Sometimes he still did. But it seemed as if everything had changed after… “I’m worried he’s going to leave us for good.”
Liam led her to the table. “I need to tell you something. I wish Hammer would have ’fessed up himself. I thought he might when we were last at the lodge. But the way he’s acting, I’m not sure he’s faced it yet so he can.”
“About his past? I asked him—”
“He told you the bare bones. If you’ll listen, I’ll tell you the bit you really need to know. Not his whole life story, mind you. Hammer told me that once when he was shitfaced while we lived in New York. But what I have to say affects all of us.”
With her heart in her throat, she glanced at the beginnings of the breakfast she’d planned. Did it even matter now? Liam wouldn’t mind simpler fare, and she had lost her appetite. “All right.”
He sank down beside her, turning her chair to his. “He’s drowning in guilt, and not simply because he failed to rescue you.”
“Then why else? Because he may have gotten me pregnant? We don’t know for sure who fathered the baby, and I don’t care.”
“We don’t, either. That’s nothing to do with it.” Liam sat back. “I have to go back a decade. Can you bear with me? It’s still hard.”
Raine knew where this was going. As much as she didn’t want to hear it, she needed to. “I’m listening.”
“Some of this you may know…” He paused, seeming to gather his thoughts. “Hammer and I met ten years ago at Graffiti, a BDSM club in New York. I was new to the lifestyle and learning all I could. One night, he approached me about topping Juliet while he watched. I agreed. Things went well, so he invited me to join them in the bedroom. We shared her for a year and a half.”
“That long?” Raine always imagined the flame had burned fast and hot before being snuffed out tragically.
“Well, I stayed on more than I might have because Hammer is the brother I never had and I didn’t want to lose that. But our relationship with Juliet was nothing like the one we share with you. I deferred to Macen because she was his wife. I never agreed to be exclusive with them.”
“Did you want to be?”
He shook his head. “I cared for Juliet. I didn’t love her.”
That was a guilty relief, but Hammer was still hung up on his wife. His feelings for her must run so deep even now. Raine bit back a cry. How was she supposed to compete with a ghost?
“When Juliet committed suicide, I was in Miami on business. Before it happened, I’d decided to stay an extra week because the weather was warm and the club scene was fantastic. For years afterward, I wondered if my absence had anything to do with her decision to end her life. Or if not having my heart hurt her too much. I never knew. But Hammer told me this past Thanksgiving.”
She remembered that awful day—the stilted dinner, the migraine, the misunderstanding. The argument between him and Macen. The blame. And the two of them yelling at one another, surrounded by a sea of broken dishes. At the time, Raine had assumed their disagreement was about her.
“So you fought that night in the kitchen about Juliet?” That shouldn’t hurt…but it did.
He nodded. “I waited to tell you this because I hoped Hammer would do it himself. But he won’t. Hell, he’ll barely talk to me. And you need to know.”
Though the suspense was eating at her, Raine wondered if she was ready for the truth. “What?”
Liam dragged in a breath. “Juliet was eight weeks pregnant. Neither of us had a clue.”
Raine’s heart stopped. “Did she?”
“She left a note saying she couldn’t handle the shame of not knowing who had knocked her up.”
Then Juliet had swallowed a bottle of pills.
A million feelings raced through Raine. Shock. Horror. Sadness. Empathy. Both men had assured her they were looking forward to watching her belly swell and filling their house with children. After Liam’s admission, she wondered if Hammer’s excitement was less pure.