Hammer stepped from the shower, hearing the senseless droning of the morning talk show host interviewing the latest reality “celebrity” in the background. Exhaustion weighed on him. He yawned and stretched. Was his fatigue the result of another fitful night? The incessant replay of Raine’s cries of pleasure earlier this morning? Or the constant spooling in his head of the advice Beck had given him eight days ago that he still hadn’t taken?
While punching his pillow and tossing restlessly last night, he’d come to the conclusion that he needed to apologize to Liam. The speech he’d prepared in his head and practiced in the shower felt more stilted than he’d like. But he’d say it. Once that was behind him, he could move onto the second step necessary to take control of his life again. How would Raine react when he confessed that he loved her and always had?
Hammer mussed his hair and threw on some clothes, determined that today he would sit Raine down and utter the three words he’d carried in his heart for so long.
He shouldn’t be as nervous as a teenage boy asking his first girl out on a date, but his stomach was in knots. Once he’d told her how he felt, he hoped they could move forward together—just the two of them.
The possibility exhilarated him.
Dressed and ready to vanquish his demons, he strode to the room beside his and knocked on Liam’s door. The apology repeated through Hammer’s brain as he waited, then knocked again. No one answered.
Frowning, he made his way to the kitchen, wondering if his precious girl was baking. But it, too, was empty. The only sign of life was a freshly brewed pot of coffee that smelled more like tar than anything Raine would make. Still, he needed it.
Hammer poured himself a mug and took a sip as he left the kitchen, grimacing at the warm sludge sliding down his throat.
When he reached the dungeon, he skimmed a glance over the open space. He didn’t see Liam or Raine. Had they gone to the gym? Out for breakfast? Or had they just ignored his knock, too wrapped up in their cocoon of bliss to give a fuck about him?
Fighting impatience, Hammer climbed the stairs to the bar. To his surprise, Liam sat on a tall stool, stooped over and nursing a mug of the terrible coffee.
“Good morning,” Hammer said stiffly.
Liam barely glanced his way, just nodded and sipped more of the brew, hissing as it hit his tongue. “God, that’s shit.”
Hammer stared down into his own cup. “It is. Who made it?”
With a grunt, Liam shoved his away. “I did.”
It fucking sucked. Hammer abandoned his mug on the bar, too. Then he drew in a deep breath. “I need to say something to you.”
Liam glanced to the stool beside him, wordlessly inviting him to sit. Hammer slid onto the seat.
This speech had been ten times easier when he’d been dishing it out to his own reflection. But the fact that he hated apologies and this one felt fucking awkward didn’t matter.
Liam shrugged, stared at the steam rising from his cup, his expression heavy and guarded. Hammer couldn’t miss the deep furrow between his brows. Jesus, the guy looked desolate.
Another wave of guilt poured over Hammer. “I’m sorry for a lot of things I’ve said and done. You’ve always been a like a brother to me. Wallowing in my guilt about Juliet, then assigning it to you while withholding the truth was despicable. But not nearly as unfair as dumping everything on your shoulders years later. I apologize. You deserved better.”
He watched as Liam scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. And I’m more sorry than I can say for the hell you went through. I don’t pretend to understand what Juliet did or why you didn’t share your pain with me. Maybe you thought I was too young and stupid to get it.” Before Hammer could refute that, Liam went on. “Fuck if I know. Doesn’t matter now, does it?”
Liam stared straight ahead into the mirror, looking remote, resigned. Hammer bit back a sigh. Had his secretive bullshit irrevocably severed their friendship? Great. Wait until Liam realized he not only intended to work his way into Raine’s bed again, but claim her once and for all.
“I don’t know what to say to that, Liam. I lost a wife and a child in one day, and it eventually cost me my best friend. I might have been wrong to wait so long to vomit out the truth—”
Liam snorted. “Do you think so?”
“Look, I was wrong, but I came clean. Everything I said Thanksgiving night was honest.” Hammer stared into the mirror, trying to read Liam’s reaction. “I’m not even sure what you thought of the revelations about Juliet. You never said.”