“If that’s true, you know what you need to do then, don’t you?” Jareth asked slyly, pouring himself a fourth drink. At this rate, he’d self-medicated past any feeling, let alone numbing whatever pain my fists had given him last night.
I shot him a warning look. Just because I’d followed his lead and willingly shattered any remaining doors and walls inside my head, allowing past and present to mingle freely, didn’t mean I was ready to—
“Touch yourself, Kas.” Jareth sipped his bourbon. “Grab that cock of yours, spank it, throttle it, do whatever healthy, horny men do, and prove to me that you’ve claimed ownership over that part of your body. Unless you do that, I don’t know if I trust leaving Gemma in your company without a chaperone.” He grinned, winking at Gem. “After all, if sex between you two is like what I saw today, then the poor girl deserves better.”
Gemma’s cheeks pinked. “He was being honorable. I encouraged sex to prove a point to you. To show he was safe—”
“He’s not safe until he can come by his own hand.” Jareth grabbed his own crotch. “The day I was free, I claimed this back as mine. I got high, locked the door, and fucked myself over and over again to prove a point. To prove to myself that me and only me gets to play with this. I get to decide who’s permitted to touch it.”
And how long has it been since that day, brother?
I’d watched him, reading what he wasn’t saying.
I might’ve been alone for eleven years, but Jareth...he still wore the newness of freedom. He didn’t look settled into the novelty. He still glanced at the door with panic camouflaged as boredom. He still stiffened if Gemma moved too quickly or something rustled against the window.
Wherever Jareth had been for the past decade...it’d been worse than living alone with only nature to keep me company.
I opened my mouth to ask about the scar on his cheek, but Gemma balled her hands and asked, “What about the girl you killed? Was she allowed to touch you?”
Jareth sucked in a harsh breath.
“Wait, what?” My eyes shot to his. “Who was she? What the fuck happened? Tell me.”
“Nah, think I’ll keep that tale for another day, thanks.” Jareth leaned back, deliberately spreading his legs, his hand grabbing a fistful of his cock. The look in his gaze looked half dead, half psychopath. “Come on, Kas. Follow my lead. You’ve got enough booze in your system to ignore your righteous rules.” Jareth snickered, speaking to Gemma, “Did you know, he’d actually turn around and not look if Nyx or the others got undressed in the dorm? He acted as if seeing them naked wasn’t allowed even though we’d seen every part of each other thanks to the games we were forced to—”
“Enough.” I held up my hand, my headache back and throbbing. “I’m not masturbating in front of you.”
“Yeah, you are.”
“Fuck off.”
Jareth stopped rubbing himself, digging both hands into the armrests and leaning forward. “You’re jerking off in front of me, and I’ll tell you why.”
Anger poured through me. My hands itched to connect with his face again. “I think you’ve had enough to drink for one night.” I went to push to my feet, aiming to confiscate the bourbon before he went sloppy drunk. But the room tilted and roiled, reminding me for all my progress today, I still had a concussion. I still had a medical condition that could take years to solve, according to the damn book in the library.
“You say you’ve made a choice,” Jareth repeated my earnest decision. “But I don’t believe you’re fully committed to that choice unless you get off on your own.” His eyes hardened. “We both know that’s when the nightmares started and when shit got bad for you.”
I bared my teeth. “I was serving twice as much as anyone. Trying to protect you lot was why I started struggling—”
“So, you’re blaming us?” Jareth went deceptively still; pain flared in his eyes before he covered it with animosity. “We didn’t ask you to volunteer, you know.”
“I’m not blaming you, and you know that’s not what I meant.”
He threw me a thin smile. “Yeah, I know. What really fucked you up, brother, was the day you lost ownership over your own body. The day you let them take your cock from you was the day your nightmares kept us all awake.” He leaned forward, pointing at my crotch. “So have at it. Prove to me that you’re well enough that I can leave without wondering if this valley will need another grave.”
Gem sucked in a breath beside me as Jareth continued to stroke himself over his pants, the outline of his erection becoming visible the longer he touched.
“Not tonight,” I snapped, my eyes straying to the bottle of bourbon. My mouth wanted more fire. My head wanted more medicine.