I must be crazy. I have no reason to stick around, really. There’s a life waiting for me out there if I’m willing to go and find it. But I’ve spent so long wanting to build my life here that it feels impossible to let go. One look at Mr. Harris will make me feel strong again. It doesn’t matter how much Rachel hurts me, or how much Dan creeps on me. I can survive it over and over again so long as I have hope.
I know it’s no way to live, but it feels like I don’t have a choice. My feelings have chained me to this house, to Mr. Harris. It’s like he’s a part of me, and if I try to cut him out, my body will die.
How can these feelings be so strong? I barely know the man. He’s my boss, not my friend, and certainly not my lover. But there’s potential there. Does he feel the sparks flying between us every time we cross paths? Does he realize how much I want him, despite all the obstacles in our way?
It’s never mattered to me that he’s over twice my age. I know Rachel just wants him for his good looks and his money, but it runs deeper for me. I can’t explain it. It’s not a want, it’s a need. I feel tethered to him. And believe me, I’ve tried to stop wanting him. I’ve prayed so many times for these feelings to disappear, for him to let my heart go. He doesn’t even know the effect he has on me…and now, there’s no escape. I have to see this through. I have to know if he wants me or not so that I can move on with my life.
The next time I see him, I vow that I’m going to talk to him. Even though nerves get the better of me every time I see him, I have to try. I have to know if I’m just chasing a dream or whether we can find something real together. I know how unlikely it is that we’ll ever work. We have very different lives, but I think we can make it work. If our feelings for one another run deep enough, none of that will matter. But I can’t speak for him, I don’t even know if he remembers my name...but for me, these feelings are as deeply rooted as they can possibly be. I know that I want this more than anything in the world.
I’ve suffered to chase this feeling, but I won’t suffer anymore. I’m going to finally work up the courage to put myself out there. And it’s going to rock the boat. Rachel will hate me even more. Dan will hate seeing me looking at anyone, but him. And if Mr. Harris doesn’t feel the same, then it’ll all be for nothing. But it’s a risk I’m willing to take. My heart has long been on the line. It’s time for me to take a leap of faith.
It’s time to show Mr. Harris what he really means to me.
Chapter Three
Leo
Last night, I lay awake in bed, thinking about the clause and about Amelia. It feels like I’ve run out of options. I have twenty-nine days left to find a woman I want to marry, and the only woman I’ll ever want is Amelia. But on the other hand, she’s beautiful and young. Even if she’s attracted to my money and power, could she possibly want me for anything else? She could have anyone she wants in this entire world. Why would she settle for an older man like me when she can have a man in his prime?
I know that I’m not unattractive. As I hop out of the shower and stand naked before the mirror, I know have a lot of things women want in their men. A chiseled chest, strong arms, a full head of hair even at the age of forty-one. I don’t think I look my age, even with the streaks of gray in my hair. I know that I’d easily be able to attract someone my own age.
But Amelia, she’s too good for anyone including me. That sweet girl spends every day working herself to the bone around here, and still, she’s perfect. No frown lines crease her face. Her body is curvaceous and sexy, but she walks around here with her head down, like she has no idea how beautiful she is. Maybe she doesn’t. I want to be the man who makes her realize just how incredible she is. I want to be around her all the time. I’m not good with words, but I want to show her with my body just how amazing she should feel all the time. I want to fuck her all night long and make her body tremble with pleasure.