We stood there for several beats as I tried to calm down. "Better?" Remy asked softly, making sure to keep his voice low enough that no one around us would hear. I nodded. I should've been ashamed for my display of emotion, but strangely enough, I wasn't. I was surprised when Remy handed me the baby.
"Let's go home," he said with a small smile, then he moved past me, his hip brushing mine. I found myself turning and watching him climb into the SUV. Our eyes met briefly before he disappeared inside. As I moved to the door, I glanced at Dante who was talking to my brother. Vaughn looked at me at the same time, his eyes hard like they usually were, unless he was around Aleks. But I swore I saw the briefest softening in them as we watched one another. Then it was gone and I remembered all the things he’d accused me of and all the things I'd done… the unforgivable things.
To him.
To Aleks.
And most of all, to Remy.
By the time I climbed into the SUV and handed Violet to Remy so he could get her settled in her car seat, all the tension had returned. When I felt Remy's confused eyes on me, instead of trying to explain myself, I pulled out my phone and texted King to see if he'd made any progress on finding Violet's family.
Because the sooner I got out of Seattle and away from Remy, the better.
Even if that wasn't something I was sure I even wanted anymore.
Chapter Thirteen
Remy
If I’d thought Luca an overprotective, sometimes domineering man before Ronan's men took over our protection detail, he pretty much became a tyrant after Dante and the other men started shadowing us. We hadn't seen Vaughn, but from Luca’s behavior, I suspected his brother was around. I hated that the two men weren’t talking and that the last time we'd seen Vaughn, Luca had gone instantly on the attack.
Because of us… me and Violet.
The fact that he was so protective of us should have been something that made me feel a level of comfort I wasn't used to, but all I felt was guilt. Luca had been so insistent on keeping an eye on the two of us, but now that he was doing it, it seemed like it was doing him more damage than good. I'd known the whole thing had been about him finding some kind of absolution for what had happened between us when I was a kid, but if anything, us being around was only driving him deeper and deeper into himself.
He rarely spoke to me, unless it was to tell me something about the day he had planned. He no longer cooked for me or Violet; in fact, we usually didn't see him at all. Even when he was with us, he wasn't really with us. Not even little Violet could draw him out of the shroud of silence he’d wrapped himself in. When he did speak, it was to bark orders at the men who were entrusted to watch over me and Violet. On the one hand, I'd never felt safer or more protected, but on the other, I'd never felt more rejected.
Which was a ridiculous thing, because to feel rejected you had to feel wanted in the first place. Those were emotions I’d felt in the first few days Luca and I had been together taking care of Violet, but now I just felt like a burden and nothing more. There’d been several occasions where I’d almost called Aleks to ask if I could come stay with him, but something had held me back.
I knew what the something was, but I was afraid to acknowledge it. I no longer trusted my own instincts. As Luca ignored me day after day, I would tell myself it was time to walk away, but then there would be these brief moments where he looked at me and I could see something there in his eyes, something… more. It was that little look keeping me in the too-big penthouse suite.
The visits with Violet’s counselor had been a daily thing and we were starting to see results. Thankfully, the therapist hadn't seen any signs that Violet had been abused in any kind of way by Carla or any of her johns. There was still no news on locating the toddler’s family, or if she even had any, but she was making good progress with things like her hand-eye coordination, language skills, and balance. Violet had a lot of therapy in her future, but the steps she'd made in just a handful of days was proof that she would be able to live a normal life. We just had to find the person who could give that to her.
As much as I wished I could be that person for the little girl, I knew in my heart that I couldn't. The fact that the need to get high continued to plague me, especially in response to Luca's indifference, was proof that I wasn't in a place that I could guarantee my sobriety. I hated to admit to that weakness, but I wasn't foolish enough to pretend it was something I could just get past. Once all this was over, I’d get back to normal, to the way things had been. I was certain that the balance I'd managed to find in my life would return.