My throat felt tight with emotion. "Me too," I agreed. "Luca, I'm—"
He placed his fingers over my mouth to silence me. Then he was rolling us so he was on his back and I was lying on top of him.
"Morning," he said to me and then he pulled me down to kiss him. I accepted that he didn't want or need an apology. The kiss started off light and sweet, but quickly changed. Luca was already hard beneath me, probably because he’d been so all night, and my own dick was responding to the close contact. Luca tore his mouth from mine, presumably to end the kiss before it became too much to handle, but that was the last thing I wanted. I followed his mouth and grabbed his chin with my hand so I could control the kiss. Luca groaned as I explored his mouth and tangled my tongue with his. His hands slipped up and down my back, skimming the top of my ass but nothing more.
Despite feeling his cock against mine, the same fear I'd had the night before wasn't there. I only felt tense and needy and unsatisfied. I began rubbing my hips over his so our shafts were sliding together. It felt so good I cried out and then buried my face in Luca's shoulder. I could have easily made myself, and probably him, come just by grinding against him, but there was a strange sensation inside of me… this emptiness, this incompleteness.
And I knew why.
"Remy," Luca groaned as I began kissing his throat and then sucking on it so I could leave my mark on him. I shifted my body up his just enough so his hard dick slipped behind me. My eyes practically rolled back in my head when his damp shaft began sliding up and down my crease. I was torn between rubbing my cock against his muscled abdomen and trying to increase the pressure of his shaft against my crack. Luca's mouth searched out mine and as we made out, our bodies hung there, trying to ride one another and find relief from the building pressure inside. I knew we could eventually find it in the positions we were in, but it wasn't enough.
I knew that, just like I'd known the night before that I wasn't ready.
But I was ready now. The new position where I was the one in control, I was the one making decisions about how we found our pleasure, had unlocked that part of my brain that had been so closed off the night before. The man beneath me was the love of my life and anything we did together would be about pleasuring each other, about losing ourselves in one another's bodies. There would be no pain or humiliation, because that wasn’t who we were. That wasn't what Luca wanted from me. He was the last man on the planet who would ever let me feel those things again. If I wanted him to stop, I'd only have to say so. Or move away. I knew I could easily take him the way he'd offered, but this was one of those moments where I wanted to fight my fear and I wanted to do it now.
"Condom, lube?" I breathed into his mouth between passionate kisses. The man was desperate beneath me, just like I had been last night when he’d been tonguing me.
"Nightstand," he managed to get out. His hands caressed my ass, splitting me open so his dick could ride my crease. I cried out at the sensation of his hot, firm skin sliding over my clenching hole. Sweat poured down my forehead as I continued to pump my cock against his abdomen and then rolled my hips so that he was fucking my crease. Luca's eyes had gone black with passion, but I saw more there.
I saw him there.
I fumbled in the nightstand for the condom and lube. Fortunately, I had plenty of experience with both and it took just seconds to get Luca ready. I heard him say my name in confusion and realized he’d probably thought, considering our positions, that I was going to fuck him.
I settled his lubed cock back in my crease and then leaned over him and kissed him hard. "Need this," I bit out against his lips. "Need you inside me."
I was glad when he didn't question me, but he did search my eyes for what felt like the longest time. Then he was reaching between our bodies and swiping his fingers over his lubed cock. I expected him to push his dick into me, but it was one of his fingers that began probing me. It felt so good to have him rubbing the sensitive skin with his rough finger. I was sweating and panting and so very ready, so when he started to push the digit into me, I bore down hard. He took his time prepping me, but when he withdrew his finger and asked, "Remy?" I knew he was still hesitant. I didn't blame him, considering how I'd acted the night before.