I felt thwarted, but it didn't matter because it wouldn't take much more of Luca's mouth on me to get me off.
But when Luca's lush tongue pulled free of my body, I cried out his name and tried to sit up. "No, Luca, please don't stop. Please, I'm so close."
Luca climbed up my body and covered my pleading mouth with his. He drank down my words and it was only when he rubbed his groin against mine that I realized he'd gotten rid of his pants at some point. His hot, hard, heavy cock pressed against mine. I hated that I instantly tensed up.
"No, please no! I'm not ready." I began crying, despite my intention not to.
"Shhh," Luca murmured in my ear as he kissed my cheek, jaw, and mouth with the softest of caresses. "Take a few deep breaths for me, baby," Luca said softly.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I kept repeating the words because I didn't know what else to say. We'd gotten to this moment that I’d feared, and I’d failed. Everything had been so beautiful and perfect, but the moment I’d felt his flesh on mine, the past had come hurtling back. The wall I’d put up to keep the men who'd hurt me out of this encounter had come crashing down.
Luca lifted his weight off of me a little bit, but not completely. His hands settled on my cheeks. "Hey," he said gently and then he kissed the tip of my nose. "Look at me, my love."
I didn't want to. I was way too humiliated. But his voice was so kind and gentle, and I owed him the respect to do what he asked. He’d done absolutely nothing wrong. This was all on me and my messed-up mind.
"I'm sorry," I croaked again when I opened my eyes and saw Luca watching me with concern. I loved him even more in that moment. But in my heart, I knew this was never going to work.
"Nuh-uh," Luca gently admonished as his eyes held mine. "You don't get to give up yet. You don't get to give up on us."
He was right. God knew I'd done this plenty of times; surely I could give him this.
"I'm okay," I insisted. "You can—"
"Don't you dare," Luca said, his voice tainted with anger. "Don't you dare pretend that you're okay and you want this."
At that point, I pretty much lost it. I began to sob uncontrollably and the beautiful moments I'd had with him went up in smoke. I expected him to get up and leave me there, but instead, he rolled to his side, pulling me with him. He held on to me but didn't speak. The tears seemed endless, but through it all, Luca stroked my back and my hair.
When the tears began to fade, my need to escape was all-consuming, but when I murmured something about wanting to get cleaned up, Luca refused to release me. He rolled me on my back again but kept his lower weight off of me. In typical Remy fashion, I went from scared and embarrassed to angry and quiet.
"I told you this wouldn't work," I bit out.
He didn't respond to the comment. Instead he just held me and while he didn't touch me intimately, his fingers were never still. I waited for him to argue his side, to tell me that everything would be fine and that we’d figure it out, but all Luca did was hold me and touch me. Every once in a while, he'd nuzzle my cheek or my neck.
I wasn't even aware I'd fallen asleep until the next morning when I woke up, still in his arms. We were both naked, but he’d moved us beneath the blanket. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. Regret for my behavior the night before was instant and painful. I’d taken what had started out as an amazing experience and tainted it. I couldn't understand why he was still there.
I probably should've gotten out of the bed, but I was reluctant to leave the warmth of his arms. I did to him what he’d done to me so many times and just explored his features with a soft touch. After a few minutes, I saw him smile. My heart swelled with love for the man. I couldn't stand the idea of losing him.
"I'm still here," he said drowsily. His eyes opened more fully and then he said, "You're still here."
I shook my head because I didn't understand what he was trying to say. Before I could open my mouth, he kissed me. "We’re still here, Remy. Last night might not have worked out the way we'd hoped but look at us… we’re still here. We are waking up in each other's arms exactly the way we wanted. I'm right where I want to be."