What would he do if I called? Texted?
Would he answer or ignore me?
Was he still even in town?
I jammed the phone back in my pocket and drew in several long breaths of air in the hopes it would help calm me, but even the long process of getting the car off the ferry in Anacortes did nothing to ease my jitters. And two hours later when I pulled into the city, I bypassed my apartment. In my mind I knew where I was going even though I told myself how stupid it was. The sight of Mav’s hotel did nothing to ease my anxiety, but when I saw his Harley sitting in the familiar spot in the parking garage, I finally took my first real breath.
Maybe it would have been smarter just to leave things at that. To know that he was still in the same city. To hope that maybe our paths would cross at the hospital and I could find some way to draw him into conversation.
Except his voice wouldn’t be enough. His touch wouldn’t be enough. I needed more. I needed to be the me that only he seemed to be able to draw out. I needed to not feel sick with guilt or fear or doubt for just a few minutes.
I had several chances to turn around between the car and his door, but once the idea had taken root inside my brain, it was all I could think about. I needed Mav, pure and simple. I didn’t understand why he made me feel different. I didn’t know how things would go between us. I didn’t even know for sure that he would talk to me. But none of that kept me from rapping my knuckles on his door and waiting with bated breath. Relief went through me when the door unlocked and then opened. Mav’s dark green eyes looked me up and down as he leaned against the open door, but he didn’t say anything and neither did I. When he finally stepped back and put his hand on the door like he was going to close it, I wanted to die inside. But when all he did was open it wider and move out of the way to let me in, I knew anything that happened going forward would be my choice. I just had to take the step forward.
So that was what I did.
* * *
I couldn’t stifle my cry of relief when Mav’s mouth closed over mine. He hadn’t said a word, hadn’t pointed out that what was about to happen was a one-time thing, that it wouldn’t mean anything. And the kiss…
God, I felt everything in the way his lips caressed mine. He was both gentle and insistent, but there was no rush in the way he kissed me. One of his hands came up to caress my neck as the other pressed against my lower back, urging me closer to him. I lifted my arms to wrap them around his shoulders and felt the dampness of his hair which was hanging loose. I let my fingers tangle in the softness of it and when Mav released my mouth long enough to skim his lips along my jaw and down my throat, the emotion became too much and I had to bury my face against his shoulder. I hated that I couldn’t get a grip on myself, but if Mav noticed, he didn’t say anything. He just held me tighter and kept pressing soft kisses to any part of me he could reach without having to relinquish his hold on me.
I didn’t know how to tell him how afraid I’d been that I’d never have this moment with him. This moment where it was just the two of us. This moment where he made me feel whole without even trying.
So I didn’t say anything. Instead, I searched out his mouth and tried to tell him that way. He met every one of my kisses with the same gentle sweetness, but his hands were busily stroking all over my back and ass. Our cocks brushed against one another every time we shifted even a little bit and within minutes, our kisses turned deep and needy. Mav’s fingers curled around my ass and lifted me and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist. The position felt awkward at first until I realized the move had put my mouth just a little higher than his. I took complete advantage and stole into his mouth with my tongue. I used my hands to brush his long hair back from his face and when I ended the kiss, he tried to follow me. I let my fingers roam over his face, testing every texture. His brow, his nearly perfectly straight nose, the little bit of facial hair covering his jaw, his smooth lips. And then I held his eyes with mine as I leaned in and brushed my lips over his in the briefest of kisses. I did it over and over, never taking my eyes off of him. And I knew the instant he saw what I’d wanted him to see, because he sucked in a sharp breath and pulled back just a little to study me a second before he slammed his mouth down on mine and took complete control of the kiss, of me, of everything.