I drop my feet with a loud thud. My limbs feel weighted, as if cement has been poured on them. “Fuck it.” Tossing my cigarette onto the floor, I step on it and run my hands through my hair.
While I walk toward the stage, BT is by my side, along with Rafe and the fucking film crew. This will be the last concert on the tour. After this, it’s a lot of interviews. I have nothing left to say. I can barely stomach Hunter and his pushy attitude, and fucking Sebastian is lucky he can walk. His sanctimonious attitude makes me want to beat the shit out of him over and over.
Rafe worked it out. Sebastian’s not suing, but he gets to finish the film. I don’t give a shit. My interest is at zero. All the gossip rags want are details about whom I’ve fucked. The sexiest man alive has only added more to the hype, and since I’m not talking, they find a story no matter who they dig up.
Our boots pound the long hallway as we head out to the arena. The noise of the crowd filters in as I hold out my hand for my ear monitor.
Nuke is always the first to go on, but again, I give zero fucks. My fans, this crowd is my lifeline. So I take the stage.
The noise and love that vibrate out of them as they see me makes my cock come to life. Stepping onstage, I motion for a confused Tim to hand me a bottle of Jack. Nuke’s drums come to life.
“The fuck you doing, Granger?” he yells. I laugh at his pissed-off expression.
“How you all doing out there?” I walk up to the microphone and crack open the bottle of Jack. The thousands of adoring eyes stare up as if I truly am a god.
“Yeah, that’s it. The Rock God is here.” I lift my hand, step back, and take a drink as I let the world call out my name.
“Rock God. Rock God,” they chant and I smile.
“Ammo? Ace of Spades, you here, man?” There’s a loud weep from his guitar while he walks up to me, and the crowd gets louder.
I’m numb.
Cash’s bass follows suit as he walks out, and the band is complete.
We’re four guys who started out in a garage and did the unthinkable. Yet with the whole world in our hands, all I can think about is her.
My muse. Nuke pounds his drums, and Ammo and Cash start to play “Untouched.” The words that never desert me pour from my lips. I used to question how that is. How half the time I can’t remember what day it is, but every word, verse, or tune I’ve written or sung is like a faithful lover.
Always with me, never gone.
Our hits flow out of me as if I’m crossing off a to-do list. The only difference is the crowd’s worship and enthusiasm.
Dallas walks on and hands me a towel and my guitar while I tug off my shirt. The sounds of crying and screaming make me smile as I scan the sea of faces. “Don’t mind these cameras.” I motion at Sebastian and the other guy they brought in to shoot the crowd’s reactions. “We’re doing a movie, but pretend they don’t exist.” I snicker as I look down at the screaming masses.
There, in the front row, is an angel with long, dark hair. Could she be my muse? She looks up at me adoringly. Her big brown eyes are full of tears, pouring out love.
She worships me.
I motion for them to bring her onstage. The barrier that keeps them away, blocks her, but she claws and tries to reach for me. The tips of our fingers touch, and I motion for Sal, one of our roadies, to bring her up as the masses go wild.
Nuke’s drums start to beat almost menacingly, and I grin as she at last gets on stage and launches herself at me.
I hold her close, almost swaying with her.
Her heart beats for me. Rapid, frantic, excited pounding, it seeps into me as does her own smell. Not unpleasant but not what I crave. I kiss her lips, wanting to feel anything, wanting my heart to beat.
I back up and she cries and speaks. It doesn’t matter that I don’t understand her words. I know what she’s feeling as I replace her face with another.
Then I hold her hand up and let my addicts adore her. She trembles as they take her away and I grab the bottle, waving my hand for my brothers to stop playing. The lights and smoke fade as I drink and tell them all my truths.
“You ever been in love?” They answer with a loud rumble. Ammo walks over, his face filled with concern as I continue. “My brothers are thinking I’m gonna go all cowboy on you guys. But I know you all understand me.” The answer is a loud, pulsing roar and I nod.