“What do you think we should have done?” Cooper opened his hands in a helpless gesture. “They used that video of the three of us going into the proctor’s office as evidence we three all planned to cheat.”
“Did you want us to call your dad and tell him what we actually planned on doing in there?” Nolan’s brow furrowed. “Or for us to tell the principal? Wouldn’t that have been worse for your reputation than if we hadn’t said anything at all?”
I slumped in my chair as their words hit me like a punch to the stomach. They were right, of course, which only made it hurt that much more. I’d been so stubborn and so blinded by my anger and bitterness that I hadn’t stopped to consider it from their point of view. Not even once in six years.
Because there was no getting around the simple logic they’d laid out for me.
Maybe I was the one who should have been apologizing all this time.
Well, perhaps we all owed each other those apologies.
“I’m sorry I never allowed either of you to say that before now,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry for how that must have made you feel. Because you’re right—I’m still not ready to tell my dad the real reason why we were in that office. There’s no way I could have dealt with it back then. He would’ve completely disowned me instead of just cutting me off emotionally like he has.”
“I hate that it had to come to that,” Nolan pressed his lips together. “There wasn’t a better alternative. Not one we could come up with, at least.”
Cooper sighed and nodded. “So I think that’s everything we wanted to say.” He and Nolan exchanged a look. “Almost everything, anyway.”
I shrugged. “What else is there?”
“We’d rather hear what you’re thinking right now,” Nolan answered. “And after that, let’s talk about something that isn’t so damn depressing.”
I didn’t even know what to make of it. More importantly, though, I wasn’t sure what to think about anything else right then. I was glad we’d taken the time to clear the air, and hoped we’d repair our friendship, even if it might take some time. But the evening had been such a roller coaster of emotions that I honestly felt... drained. Exhausted.
“I’m thankful for tonight,” I finally answered. “All of my emotions are still a little raw, if I’m honest. But I’m glad y’all were so persistent. I definitely wouldn’t have said that a few hours ago, but I am pleased about it now.”
“That seems like a good step in the right direction,” Cooper grinned. “As long as you don’t hate us, that’s a win in my book.”
“No,” I returned his smile. “I don’t hate you. Never.” I paused as I looked back and forth between them, hoping they’d go ahead and say whatever they’d been holding back up to that point. “O-kay,” I drew out the word slowly when it became apparent they weren’t going to speak up without some prompting. “Now... what else?” I turned my attention back to Nolan. “You said you wanted to talk about something that wasn’t so depressing. This is your chance.”
The guys exchanged another knowing look—dammit, I wished for the millionth time over the years that I understood their unspoken secret language.
Nolan spoke first, surprisingly. That fact alone told me how serious they took whatever he needed to say. “We want to tell you that we still feel the same way we did back then. About you, I mean.”
“We still want you,” Cooper clarified, straight to the point without a joke or a wisecrack. Again, not exactly normal, even for a serious conversation with him. “That hasn’t changed. We want to spend time with you. We want to be with you. We want to make you happy.”
I looked down at my coffee cup, suddenly wishing it had something a little stronger added to it. God, of all the things they might have said, I hadn’t prepared myself for anything like that. I don’t know why I didn’t guess it, and the news hit me hard.
“I don’t...” I opened my mouth and then closed it again. “I’m flattered that y’all still feel that way about me, even after I’ve been so stubborn and foolish. That’s sweeter than you can possibly know.” I shook my head. “But even if I did feel the same way—and I’m not saying for sure that I do—wouldn’t we be setting ourselves up for more pain?”
“How so?” Nolan asked. “We’re all old enough and mature enough to make those decisions and understand what we’re getting into.” He gave Cooper a quick side-eye. “Most of us are mature enough, anyway.”
“I’m half a year older than you, asshole,” Cooper snorted. “But yeah, we understand what we’re asking for.”
“Do you? I work crazy hours. I travel a lot. My career is my number one priority right now, and I’m not sure I’m ready to shift my priorities. Plus there are two of you and I don’t know how that’d work. We fooled around as kids, but I’m not sure what you’re suggesting now.”