Every day now, I had been obsessing over whether it was obvious. I had been hiding my pregnancy from Missy. It was not because I thought she would have a negative reaction, it was more out of shame, to be honest. I felt that telling her that I was pregnant would lead to telling her who got me pregnant and that wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have just yet.
“Oh no, I swear I had something to tell you. I just forgot,” Missy said to me, frowning. I shook my head telling her that it didn’t matter.
“That’s okay, pregnancy brain, right?” I said. She smiled and told me she would text it to me when she remembered. I let myself out of her house.
How weird was that? We were pregnant at the same time. I felt like that had to unlock a whole new level of friendship.
I walked out of the house and started onto the sidewalk. He started coming towards me and that was how I noticed him.
Paul.
Sightings were becoming more and more regular. I stopped as he came up to me with a big, stupid smile on his face.
“Hey, how are you?” he said.
“You need to tell me why you’re here and make it make sense.”
“I missed you.” He said it with a small smile, shrugging with his hands in his pockets. In the past, I would have found it cute which creeped me out a little bit about my lack of taste. I wasn't falling for it now.
This wasn't the first time. He had been popping up randomly even after I had told him that I didn't like it. He had been at Eddy's house after the party, waiting for me just like this. It wasn't cute and it wasn't comforting. Even if it was from someone I liked, it was creepy.
I had even seen him at the grocery store. I wasn't sure whether he had seen me notice him, but I did. Lurking around me the way that he obviously was, and then trying to pass it off as just missing me felt a lot like gaslighting now I was actually equipped to call it what it was.
“That's not an excuse. If you can't give me a good reason, you're going to have to give one to the police.”
“Whoa, slow down I just wanted to see you. Can I have a hug?” He leaned in and tried to hug me, but I backed out of the way.
“You have to stop following me. I don't want to have to tell you more than once because eventually, I'm going to let the police handle it.”
“I just wanted to see you, Maggie. Make sure you are doing okay.”
“I don’t need you for that. I know you’ve been following me around and for the last time, stop it. Why is that so hard to understand?” I said.
His face darkened, then went back to normal so fast I would have missed it if I wasn’t paying attention. I knew who he was. His smiles and claims to care about me weren’t fooling me. I knew who he was at his darkest and I’d be a fool to trust him again after seeing that.
“You’re pregnant. I’m worried about you.”
“You don’t have to stalk me to make sure I’m okay.”
“I’m not stalking you,” he said, a touch of whininess entering his voice.
“You’re following me around and refusing to stop when I ask you to stop.”
“I’m just doing it because I care.” I was being patient with him, not because I cared enough to spare his feelings, but more because I was pregnant and I didn’t want to stress myself out over something like this. For somebody who was doing everything he was doing because I was pregnant, he wasn’t being at all considerate of the things I wanted from him. I only wanted one thing from him, to leave me alone, that was it. That was literally the best thing he could do for me.
“This isn’t how you treat somebody that you care about. I’ve already told you what I want from you.”
“You said that you would think about giving us another shot,” he said. When had I said that? I knew that I hadn’t given him a straight enough no to the question of us getting back together, but as much as I told him to stay away from me, why was he getting the hint?
I was already tired of dealing with him, why would I want him around even more? He wasn’t in the future I wanted for myself. He just wasn’t. I had ejected him from my life long ago. I didn’t even know why he was back.
“I should’ve told you earlier but my answer is no. It’s not a maybe, it’s not a not now, it’s a no. I don’t want a relationship right now.”
“That’s okay, we don’t have to be in a relationship straightaway, we can…”
“No, Paul. You’re not going to wait for me, because even when I am ready, I don’t want to be with you.” He actually looked hurt when I told him that. I was glad that it didn’t have the same effect on me that used to have years ago. I didn’t care that I was disappointing him. I was putting myself first.
“I don’t think you can make a decision so fast. I mean, the baby isn’t even here yet. The dad is out of the picture so who are you going to run to for help? It’s hard raising a newborn.”