“I don’t care, Paul. Tell me what I let you up here to say. How do you know that I’m pregnant right now?” I said. I knew that I was being cruel, and I would never talk that way with anybody else, but Paul wasn’t a person I considered myself to be on normal terms with.
“I just… I could tell from the minute I saw you. You just looked different than usual.”
“Of course, I looked different, Paul. It’s been years since you’ve seen me.” As I said that, I wondered how true it was given the fact that he knew where I lived and I hadn’t been the one who told him.
“It was obvious babe, it’s in your face, your body, women just look different when they’re pregnant and I’ve always been so in tune with you. Of course, I noticed.”
“First of all, don’t call me babe. Second, we’ve been apart for so long, it’s none of your business what’s happening in my personal life right now.”
“Are you single?” he asked me.
“That’s not your business,” I spat so quickly that I knew he could tell I was lying.
“It’s okay. I’m the last person on earth who’s going to judge you for your circumstances right now. I don’t care if you’re having another man’s baby. I’m going to love them like they are my own.” I felt like I was going to throw up again. What the hell was he talking about? Nobody was asking him to do anything like that. Why was he offering his services as a father when he could barely offer his services as a boyfriend when we had been together?
“I don’t want a relationship with you, Paul. I don’t want anything with you. Don’t come near my home again. I’m gonna ask you to leave, and the next time I see you around here, I’m calling the cops.”
“If that’s what you want, I’m going to do it, but I’m not giving up on us Maggie.” He left before I could say anything to that. I closed the door and locked it, feeling slightly violated. I never planned to see Paul again in my life, so the encounter had been jarring. Now he was saying all this stuff about being together and I couldn’t imagine anything worse. There was no way in hell.
If he had amnesia about the things that he had done to me, I had no problem reminding him of what a monster he had been. I was disgusted. He was the last man on earth who I would want in my life or my child’s life. The next time I saw him creeping around my apartment, I was calling the cops.
21
Toby
There had to be laws against non-parents being invited to children’s birthday parties. Eddy and Niall invited me and I should have said no, dammit. Pretty soon Easton and Missy were going to have a kid and I was going to be the only childless one in the group. Maggie was going to be childless too, but I was doing my best not to think about her. It was not working but I was still trying and I thought that counted for something.
I was going to have to see her and I still didn’t know what I was going to do when that happened. I rang the bell at Eddy and Niall’s house and Niall opened the door letting me in.
“Toby, glad you could make it,” he said to me. “No date?”
“Date? How am I supposed to tell a date that I want them to accompany me to a six-year old's birthday party?” I handed him the gift that I had bought for Riley, his and Eddy's son. It was a drone, of course, adapted so he could play with it.
“I heard single girls love a guy that's good with kids.”
“What do you know what single girls like?” I asked jokingly.
“Yeah, you'd be the expert on that, wouldn't you,” he said hitting back.
We walked through to the den of the house where the party was taking place. Right next door lived Charlie and Brenna and the two of them were family; Charlie, and Niall, so they had knocked the inner walls of their properties down and connected their homes. It was like a big multifamily complex now where the kids could roam free which was probably why I didn’t take up invites to visit that often.
In the back, both of their homes had outdoor space that had been connected into one large yard. Their kids who were distant cousins at best were being raised as siblings almost with their four parents working as a team. Seemed like a modern solution to the problems that atomized nuclear families could bring but also a nightmare at the same time.
I went around the room saying hi to the people I did know and the ones that I didn't. Besides the usual suspects, some of the attending children’s parents were present. There was a fully decked out snack table off to one side which looked thoroughly picked apart already. The adults were having drinks and talking while the kids played with toys on the ground.
I didn’t hate kids, I just didn’t know why I had to be involved in their lives when I had none.
How long did I have to stay?
The doorbell rang and I saw Eddy jump up to get the door.
“Guys, look who's here,” she said getting the attention of the children. I looked over and to my horror, it was a clown. The children were delighted, jumping up and swarming around the guy. I started looking for an exit.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her. Maybe she had been in the bathroom or kitchen or something, but there she was. Maggie.
My God, she looked good. She was wearing a knee-length dress and her hair was down, curled around her shoulders. She looked luminous, she was glowing. As much as I dreaded seeing her again here, I knew that I wanted to. Of course, I wanted to. I could have said no to this, I had said no to gatherings with my friends before but I knew that these types of things were the only way I’d be able to see Maggie at all.
Go and say something to her.