“You know I’m going to insist. This is serious. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone.”
“Okay, so I tell him, and then what? He throws five hundred dollars at me and tells me to get an abortion?”
She winced. “I can't tell you what he’ll say and ultimately it doesn’t matter because the choice is yours, whatever you decide to do.”
Beyond calling her, I had no plan. All I was prepared to do was cry some more.
“I don’t want him to reject the baby.”
“If he does, then he’s not the man I thought he was. You don’t have to tell him right now or even a week from now. Just take some time to decide what you want to do.”
Pregnancy was a time-sensitive condition, but I didn’t bring it up because it felt like I was complaining. Toby… I didn’t know where to put him in my life at the moment because he didn’t want to be in it. I could already hear him tell me to ‘take care of it’ once I told him I was pregnant. The thought of termination hadn’t even crossed my mind, so I didn’t want to think about it.
“Thanks for coming over.”
“Of course. I wasn’t going to leave you hanging. Have you eaten yet?”
“I was throwing up this morning so not really.”
“What do you want? I’m getting us lunch,” she announced.
“Something cheesy,” I announced. She placed an order for greasy, delicious Mexican food as we watched Queer Eye. I was a little bit distracted as we watched, but I was happy that she was there with me. I started going over the past several weeks trying to pinpoint when my conception could have occurred. It wasn’t that first night we spent together, was it?
Was that why I was such an emotional wreck while we were in the cabin? I wanted that to be the reason. It was better than me just being messy and lovesick. Regardless, I felt great by the time we were done, and Brenna was leaving to go back home. I had a lot to think about, but just getting everything off my chest had made a huge difference.
I took scraps from our lunch down to the dumpster so that it didn’t stink up my apartment and then began the mission to forget about everything that had happened for at least one day. I was sleeping on it and hopefully, in the morning, things would be clear.
The next morning brought more nausea and not much more clarity. Missy being ever the gracious, understanding boss didn’t mind me working from home yet again. After the morning sickness passed, I made myself a hearty bowl of oatmeal and sat down with my laptop on the couch. A little bit past noon, someone buzzed my apartment.
I wasn’t expecting any guests, so I was surprised to hear Paul’s voice over the intercom when I asked who it was.
How did he know which unit was mine? Thankfully, he couldn’t get up here on his own, but it looked like it didn’t matter since he knew where I lived. I felt a chill run over my whole body. I didn’t want a round two with that man.
“Paul, this is not okay. I don’t know why you keep coming around here but I need it to stop.”
“Maggie? I need to talk to you. Please let me in.” The urgency in his voice almost got me. It sounded like he was actually dealing with some sort of crisis. Even if that was the case, why was I the first person he thought of to come to for help? We hadn’t even been in communication for years, this was inappropriate.
“I’m not letting you in here Paul. It’s very strange that you’re coming to see me out of the blue like this and I don’t like it. Please leave.”
“I know you’re pregnant. Please let me in. I need to talk to you.”
He got me with that one.
I stood for a few seconds not sure what to say. How the hell would he know that? I looked around my apartment and wondered whether he had tapped it somehow. I wouldn’t put it past him, even though he claimed last time I saw him that he was a different person. I didn’t care who he was now and whether it was different. I didn’t want any version of him in my life.
“How do you know that?”
“If you let me in, I’ll tell you.”
Did I want to know that bad?
I sort of did.
I buzzed him it. This didn’t mean anything, all it meant was he was going to tell me how he knew, and that was it. He knocked at the door and I let him in. As soon as the door was open and he saw me, he charged in and tried to hug me. I pushed him away violently.
“Oh no, absolutely not. You just tell me how you knew that I was pregnant and get out of here.” He looked hurt and a little bit shocked. That was right, he wasn’t going to walk all over me this time.
“I’m sorry if I crossed the boundary just now, I’m just happy to see you.”