The buzzing gets louder and this time the vibrator hits me at full force. My head pushes back and the pleasure races through my blood. I’m so close. I’m already on the edge with only a few seconds of its touch.
And then it’s taken away. Gritting my teeth, I struggle to move, feeling tears prick my eyes. “Carter!” I scream at him with unadulterated anger, but all I get is the vibrator back on my swollen nub.
Again, he takes it away just before the pleasure can consume me, leaving me with dimming fire and I can’t fucking take it.
“Yes, I hated you! You hurt me, and I hated you for taking me!”
The pain that sweeps through me is like nothing I’ve felt before. Admitting what happened and knowing what I felt back then… I hate it. I hate that he’s bringing it up. “Is that what you wanted?” I ask him, furious that he’s doing this. “I hate this!” I yell at him but as the last word leaves my lips, the vibrator hits my clit and he leaves it there, my body flying higher and higher and then I fall from the sky, sending a tingling sensation to wreck my body all at once.
It lasts and lasts as I lie paralyzed and still at Carter’s mercy.
“You loved me afterward though?” he asks me, his lips so close to mine and I push myself up as high as I can and steal his lips with mine. He kisses me back ravenously. I can feel his body close to mine and I wish I could wrap my legs around him and hold on to him, but I’m bound, and he pulls away from me.
I’m still reeling from my orgasm and the kiss I was too starved for to remember what he asked me, so he asks me again.
Breathlessly, I answer him, “Yes, I love you. I love you, Carter.”
As his name leaves my lips, he pushes the vibrator back to my sensitized bud and it’s nearly too much. I scream his name and he captures my lips with his as I detonate beneath him. The pleasure consumes me as the night sky is consumed with stars. Again and again.
I want to kiss him, but more than anything I want him to know how much I mean it when I say it. I love him, and he’s all I want.
“Do you love Nikolai?” he asks me, and the question destroys the moment. I struggle to answer, but I do know the truth and I won’t lie to him.
“Yes. But not like you,” I answer him, feeling the high fall and my pulse slow. A second passes and another without him making a sound or touching me and fear races through my blood. “Carter?” I call out his name and he asks me another question.
“If I wasn’t here, would you be with him?”
The silence stretches as I remember wanting Nikolai but being too afraid to tell my father. That girl, the one who doesn’t go after what she wants and simply prays not to be seen, that girl is long dead.
“I don’t know,” I answer him in a breath and again he denies me, pushing the vibrator to my clit and finger-fucking me until I’m so close to my release I can’t breathe.
Gasping for air, I search for some kind of relief, brushing my ass against the silky sheets, but Carter tsks me, holding my hips down.
“Just tell me the truth, songbird. I’ll take care of you,” he whispers in a voice I don’t trust. One that’s sinful.
“I don’t know Carter. Please,” I try to beg him, but he doesn’t listen. He presses the vibrator against my clit and pulls away nearly instantaneously. My body bucks and the metal bites into my skin. “Fuck!” I cry out. I’m so close. I’m so fucking close again.
Off and on, off and on, he teases me.
The tides of my pleasure rush to the surface, igniting every nerve ending, but as soon as they’re ready to go off, he pulls away and waits for the embers to die before bringing the fire back.
“If I wasn’t here, would you be with him?” he asks me softly, calmly, his lips close to the shell of my ear. His breath traveling along my skin is enough to nearly get me off. I don’t answer, I only bite down on my lower lip and shake my head, but I can’t answer him.
And he does it again. Finger-fucking me ruthlessly, but the second my orgasm approaches, he pulls away. The smell of sex and the feel of my slickness on my inner thighs tease me into thinking there’s more. But he leaves me panting and again my orgasm dies before I can get off.
It’s the last bit I can take.
“Yes! I would try to be with Nikolai if you were gone.” I can hardly believe I’ve spoken the sin out loud, much less to Carter. I know it hurts him and I hate it. I fucking hate it, but it’s the truth. “I would try to be with him,” I suck in a deep breath, brushing the tears off my face away with my forearms and wishing I could do the same with my shame, “but I don’t know that I could ever have what we have. I wouldn’t be the person I am without you.” Tears leak down my face as the confession is forced out of me. “I love you, Carter. I don’t want him when I have you.”