“Fuck off, George,” I say, turning into my room. Two strong hands slam me into the door frame.
“Don’t start with him,” Dexter says as I square up to him, fist already raised. He’s half my size and although he’s scrappy as hell, there is no way I won’t annihilate him in a fight. George must sense the same because he jumps between us, arms spreading us apart.
“No. Fighting,” he says through gritted teeth. His eyes look sad—haunted. I’m instantly filled with regret and it’s obvious Dex is too.
“Sorry,” Dexter says, hands in surrender, giving the twins an apologetic look.
“Me, too,” I say. “Look, I know you’re mad and I know you don’t understand, but this is between me and Starlee. I’m sorry if it affects you. I’ll try to keep things together.” I run my hand through my hair. “I’ve got that test in the morning and I really need to sleep.”
The tension fades, except the one in my chest, the one that tells me the guys are right and I’m being an idiot. But what’s done is done and maybe if I pass that test tomorrow and get the scholarship, everything can change.
Until then, things are the way they are.
21
Dexter
The next morning, I meet Starlee at the car with a steaming hot mocha and a Moose’s muffin. Her eyes are red, from tired or maybe crying. I’m not going to pretend like I don’t know.
“I’m sorry,” he says, touching her chin.
“I just don't understand, you know? I don’t know why he’s pushing me away.”
I grimace, wanting to tell her what the hell’s wrong with my brother, but feeling like it’s not my place. “As much as it pains me to say it, I think giving him a little room right now may be the best idea. Let him get through the test and this football stuff.”
“What if…” she says, then fades off.
“What if what?”
“What if he just doesn’t like me anymore. I mean, he barely wants to kiss me, much less anything else. What if he thinks he’s finally getting out of here—away from Lee Vines and all of us. I mean, Jake is a good player. He could have a career.”
I link my fingers with hers. “Jake doesn’t just like you, Star, he loves you. Too much, maybe, and that is what he’s going to have to work through. How to balance you and everything else in his life.”
She looks a little relieved when I say that he loves her. It’s hard to put this whole thing into words, and again it’s not my place to say. Starlee doesn’t understand how tempting she is, how difficult it is to be around her sometimes. She smells so good. She looks beautiful. Just seeing her face sets my brain and body on fire. I want to be with her all the time. Feel her. Kiss her, and I know Jake wants the same. He just doesn’t believe he’s worthy of her.
“The twins drove him down early for his test, it’s just you and me today.”
She smiles gratefully, like she may not have it in her to be with the whole crowd. I kiss her quickly before she gets behind the wheel of her grandmother’s car, hoping I eased her pain just a little.
She cranks up the car and we head down the mountain, the snow-covered peaks glinting from the sunlight. I pull off chunks of muffin and feed them to her along the way, telling stories about customers to try to brighten her spirits. Mine too.
What Starlee doesn’t realize is that when he decided to step away from her, it’s like he’s choosing to step away from us as well. She’s not the only one that feels abandoned.
22
Starlee
The test is three hours, starting at 8:30. Any other day I would have been waiting outside that room for Jake, to see how he’d done, but not today. He’d sent me away—told me to step back—and I’m trying to do what he asked.
“Want to each lunch down in the art room?” I ask Claire when the bell rings. She’d been giving me wary looks all through class.
“Sure. Need to finish an assignment?”
“More like avoiding Jake.” I sling my backpack over my shoulder and wait until most of the class is gone before walking to the door.
“What’s going on?”
I start down the stairwell to the art hall. Ms. Peterman doesn’t mind if we eat in here as long as we clean up after ourselves. I sit at my normal work table and Claire sits across from me. I unpack my lunch. “Basically, Jake dumped me last night. I mean, I guess the official wording was, 'needs some space,' or some bullshit. Whatever he said, he definitely doesn’t want me around.”