“Penny told me he’s down to Denver tonight for personal reasons and won’t be back until late tomorrow.”
After that, my brain went on a fantasy spree thinking up all the ridiculous reasons Declan would have to go to Denver. Did it have something to do with the bacon lady on the other end of the line yesterday? The woman he called honey?
It was none of my business. Obviously. But the realization I wouldn’t see him was enough for me to be done for the night.
“I’m headed back to the chalet,” I finally told Kix and the others. “I’m beat, and I don’t have the energy to pretend to be pleasant for our fans. Sorry.”
They let me go without a fuss, probably because I hadn’t been nearly as open and talkative as they’d hoped when they’d invited me out, and they understood how hard it was to be “on” when you didn’t feel up to it.
I made it back to the chalet without incident and made another attempt at meditation before taking a long, hot bath in the large tub.
After I finally fell into bed, I slept hard. But the nightmares were enough to wake me several times during the night. The following day was just as full of curious cast and crew as the day before, and when I’d gone for a run on the country roads near the chalet, I’d been swarmed by a band of fans from out of the blue.
The craziness went on for two more days until I couldn’t find a moment’s peace either on set or back at the chalet. I was suddenly everyone’s favorite novelty, and the low-lying fear in my gut remained. It didn’t make any sense. I hadn’t actually been in that much danger at the Stanner property, so why was I so damned scared all of a sudden?
When I got a copy of the contract from Iris and saw exactly what I’d agreed to on this project, I wondered if maybe my fear had come from some kind of sixth sense. But it was too late to back out now. Not if I wanted the Shakespeare thing to happen in my lifetime. And when I asked my mom about it, she agreed.
I felt hemmed in, burdened by the weight of everyone’s expectations… and at the same time, really alone.
I finally had an afternoon off and decided to go climbing by myself to find a place where no one else could get to me. I’d researched popular climbing locations in the area before coming to Aster Valley, so I decided to head to one of the most challenging climbs at Slye Peak. The harder the climb, the fewer people to interact with.
When I finally clipped into my harness and felt the rough surface of granite under my fingertips, I closed my eyes and relaxed my body.
I am the rock, and the rock is fearless.
I began to climb, deliberately ignoring the darkening sky in my desperation to escape into solitude.
9
Declan
I wanted to kill Finn Heller. Thanks to his interview with Nosy Nadine after the Gene Stanner incident, the media was all over my ass which meant the county council was all over it, too. The opinions ranged from what a great thing it was for our little burg to what a nuisance it was to have to deal with spiteful implications of our ineptitude.
On top of everything, Tessa’s first visit with the OBGYN in Aster Valley had resulted in a referral to a specialist in Denver. I’d dropped everything to drive her to the city for some tests. It had been a rough couple of days in which Tessa spent most of the time in tears and I spent most of it wanting to kill my former partner for being the kind of selfish asshole who got her pregnant and then walked away from every sense of paternal responsibility.
Thankfully, the tests came out fine, and we returned to Aster Valley with nothing more than instructions for her to take it easy. It made the decision on whether or not she should stay a very easy one.
“As soon as this damned movie production is gone,” I told her this morning over breakfast, “I’ll have time to set up the back bedroom as a nursery. Maybe I can swing by the hardware store and pick up some paint swatches and magazines so you can decide how you want it to be.”
She looked up from her full plate of eggs, toast, and sausage. “You’ve already done so much. I don’t want to be a burden on you.”
“It’s not a burden at all. I hope you know that. I’m honored you came to me when you needed to get away.”
She leaned back and stretched her feet onto a nearby chair. Her eyes met mine like interrogation lights. “I need you to stop feeling like this is all your fault. I don’t regret this pregnancy which means I can’t regret being with Nick.”