I had taught them about trees growing branches only on one side due to alpine winds at altitude, but I was curious to see how many people remembered that’s what flagging meant.
“Bennett’s flagging,” someone called out. “Does that count?”
I turned back to find Bennett several yards back, hopping on one foot. After handing the map to Toby to keep leading people across the pass, I quickly made my way back to see what was wrong.
When he saw me approach, he tried waving me off. “Just a rock in my boot. Don’t worry about it. You go ahead.”
I looked around at the snow everywhere. “You can’t sit without getting your ass wet and cold. Here, prop yourself against me while you take it off,” I said, pulling his pack off before running my arm around his waist to support him. I tried not to lean in and smell his neck. Everyone had recently washed in a lake and I knew he smelled like an intoxicating blend of biodegradable camp soap and his own clean sweat smell. I’d reveled in it the night before when I’d had him pinned up against the tree. God, just the thought of him up against that tree made my blood travel quickly southward.
“Is it hard?” Bennett asked.
“What?” I blurted, looking at him with startled eyes. He tilted his head at me and furrowed his brows.
“Being responsible for everyone out here all the time,” he repeated. “I asked if it was hard.”
“Uh, yeah. Kind of. I mean, it’s easier when it’s just me, but I also like showing people how amazing it is out here. So, it’s worth it. Being responsible for everyone, I mean.”
God, there went my babbling mouth. I felt like I was in middle school all over again. Uncontrollable cock and uncontrollable mouth.
I flushed crimson and glanced down as he shook the rock out of his boot. The curved muscles of his calf flexed as he balanced on one foot, and I couldn’t tear my eyes off a familiar scar on the side of his knee.
“Is that the scar you got—”
“Yo, dudes, you coming?” Frankie called out from up ahead. “Aiden said we had to wait for you to catch up before we could keep going.”
“Coming,” Bennett called out, the word sounding suggestive in light of my current state of extreme arousal this close to him.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah. We’re, ah, coming. Be there in a minute.”
Bennett looked up at me as he lowered his booted foot back to the ground. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Who, me? Nothing… What?”
He laughed. “Yeah, you. And it’s obviously something. You’re being weird.”
I reluctantly pulled my arm away from him, unable to resist grazing his ass with my fingers as I did. His eyes flared and his eyebrows danced at me.
“Is that right?” he murmured. “Got something to say?”
“Nope,” I said, handing him his pack before turning around and starting off again down the path the boys had forged across the snow.
As I walked, I argued with myself about Bennett. On the one hand, we had agreed to get along for the sake of the kids. And I wanted to jump his fucking bones— like, all the time, and even more so when I accidentally touched him. But on the other hand, I didn’t want him. Not like that. Sure, I wanted to fuck him up against a tree again and find any way of getting him naked and writhing underneath me as soon and as often as I could. But that was just because I was horny and desperate.
I’d gone without sex for too long and clearly my hormones were taking over. That’s all it was. Just plain lust for physical release. I’d feel that way about anyone, really. Hell, I’d probably be willing to fuck Aiden if he wasn’t such a giant asshole.
But there was a part of me that knew I was bullshitting myself. I wasn’t just horny for anyone. I wanted Bennett. And it wasn’t just lust. It was the knowledge that Bennett had a piece of me I’d never be able to give to anyone else. A big piece.
Even with him having been out of my life for so long, I knew it hadn’t really changed anything deep down in that part of my heart that I never let myself think about anymore. Bennett Crawford was simply mine. Had been for a long time now and would be for the rest of our lives. But that didn’t mean we could be together. Because he’d pulled the rug out from under me so long ago, I knew I’d never be able to trust him with my heart again.
I set my jaw and reminded myself that it was a truce only. A temporary visit down memory lane with an old friend before he returned to his real life and I went back to mine. I could be friendly without jumping the man, for god’s sake.