Maggie
A few days?
God, please dont let her be serious. Theres no way my heart will survive this for a few days. Ill be lucky if I make it through the end of today knowing how Ive made her feel.
I toss my bag back toward my bedroom door since I wont need it for a while. I lean forward in defeat and rest my elbows on the bar, crumpling the note up in my fist. I stare down at the laptop before me.
Piece of shit computer.
Why the hell didnt I have a password on it? Why the hell didnt I take it with me when I left the hospital? Why the hell didnt I delete everything? Why the hell did I even write anything to Sydney in the first place?
Ive never hated an inanimate object as much as I hate this computer. I slam the screen shut and bring my fist down on top of it with all my strength. I wish I could hear it crack. I wish I could hear the sound my fist makes each time I bring it down forcefully. I want to hear it crushed beneath my fist the same way my heart feels crushed inside my chest.
I stand up straight and pick the laptop up, then slam it down on the bar. I see Warren exit his bedroom out of the corner of my eye, but Im too pissed to care if Im making too much noise. I continue to pick the laptop up and slam it against the bar over and over, but it doesnt diminish the hatred I feel for it in the least, and it also doesnt do enough damage to the casing. Warren walks toward the kitchen and heads to a cabinet. He reaches inside and grabs something, then walks over to me. I pause my attack on the computer and look up to see him holding out a hammer. I gladly take it, then step back and bring the hammer down against the laptop with all my might. This time, I can actually see the cracks appear with each hit.
Much better.
I hit it over and over and watch as pieces fly in all directions. Im also leaving a hefty amount of damage on the bar beneath my mangled computer, but I dont give a shit. Countertops are replaceable. What this computer destroyed of Maggie isnt.
When there isnt much left of the computer to destroy, I finally drop the hammer on the bar. Im out of breath. I turn and slide down to the floor with my back against the cabinets.
Warren walks around me and sits on the floor in front of me, resting his back against the wall behind him. Feel better? he signs.
I shake my head. I dont feel better, I just feel worse. Now I know for a fact that its not the laptop Im mad at. Its me. Im mad at myself.
Anything I can do to help?
I ponder his question. The only thing that could help me get Maggie back is to prove to her that theres nothing going on between me and Sydney. In order to prove that to her, I need to not have any interaction with Sydney whatsoever. Thats kind of hard with her in the very next room.
Can you help Sydney move? I sign. Today?
Warren lowers his chin at my request, eyeing me with disappointment. Today? Her apartment wont be ready for three more days. Besides, she needs furniture, and what we ordered this morning isnt even being delivered until the day she moves in.
I pull my wallet out of my pocket and remove my credit card. Take her to a hotel, then. Ill pay for her room until her apartment is ready. I need her out in case Maggie comes back. She cant be here.
Warren takes my card and stares at it for several seconds before bringing his eyes back to mine. This is kind of a shitty move considering this is your fault. Dont expect me to be the one to ask her to leave today. You owe her that much.
I have to admit, Warrens reaction surprises me. Yesterday he seemed to hate Sydney. Today hes acting as if hes protecting her. I already told her I need her to leave today. Do me a favor, and make sure she gets moved in okay this week. Get her anything she needs. Groceries, extra furniture, Whatever.
Im beginning to stand up when the door to Sydneys room opens. Shes walking out backward, pulling both of her suitcases. Warren scrambles to his feet next to me, and as soon as she turns around and her eyes lock with mine, she freezes.
The guilt over what Im having her do hits me when I see the tears in her eyes. She doesnt deserve this. She hasnt done anything to deserve all that Ive put her through. The way it makes me feel to know Ive hurt her is exactly why I need her to leave, because I shouldnt care this much.
But I do. God, I care about her so much.
I break eye contact with her and look back to Warren. Thank you for helping her, I sign. I head back to my room, not wanting to watch Sydney walk out the front door. I cant imagine losing both her and Maggie in the course of a few hours, but its actually happening.
Warren grabs my arm as I pass him, forcing me to turn and look at him. You arent even going to tell her good-bye? he signs.
I cant tell her good-bye when I dont really want her to leave. I continue toward my room, thankful that I cant hear the sound of the front door closing behind her when she leaves. I dont know if I could take it.
I pick up my phone and lie down on my bed. I pull up Maggies number and send her a text.
Me: Ill give you however much time you need. I love you more than you even realize. Im not going to deny anything I said to Sydney, because it was all true, especially the parts about you and how much I love you. I know youre hurt, and I know I betrayed you, but please. You have to know how much Ive fought for you. Please dont end us like this.
I hit the send button and pull the phone to my chest.
Then I fucking cry.
21.
Sydney
Let me get those, Warren says as he bends to pick up my suitcases. He carries them down the steps, and I follow him. Once we make it to his car, I realize I dont even know where Im going. I havent thought this far ahead. As soon as Ridge told me he needed me to leave today, I just packed my things and walked out without even a plan for what Im going to do for the next three days. My new apartment isnt ready, but Im wishing I could be in it. I want to be as far away as I can get right now from Ridge and Maggie and Warren and Bridgette and Hunter and Tori and everything and everyone.
Ridge wants me to take you to a hotel until your apartment is ready, but is there anywhere else youd rather go?
Warren is now sitting in the drivers seat, and Im in the front passengers seat. I dont even remember us getting into his car. I turn and look at him, and hes just staring at me. The car hasnt even been cranked yet.
God, I feel so pathetic. I feel like a burden.
Its laughable, isnt it? I say.
What?
I gesture to myself. This. I lean my head against the headrest and close my eyes. I should just go back home to my parents. Im obviously not cut out for this.
Warren sighs. Not cut out for what? College? Real life?
I shake my head. Independence in general, really. Hunter was right when he told me Id be better off living with him than on my own. He was right about that, at least. Ive been in Ridges life less than three months, and Ive successfully ruined his entire relationship with Maggie. I look out the window, up to his empty balcony. Ive also ruined his entire friendship with me.
Warren cranks the car, then reaches over and squeezes my hand. Today is a really bad day, Syd. A really, really bad day. Sometimes in life, we need a few bad days in order to keep the good ones in perspective. He lets go of my hand and backs out of the parking spot. And youve made it this long without having to go back to your parents. You can make it three more days.
I cant afford a hotel, Warren. I spent my savings on furniture and the deposit for the new apartment. Just take me to the bus station. Ill go stay with my parents for a few days. I pick up my phone in order to bite the bullet and call them, but Warren pulls it out of my hands.
First of all, you need to stop blaming yourself for whats happening with Ridge and Maggie. Ridge is his own person, and he knows right from wrong. He was the one in the relationship, not you. Second, you need to allow Ridge to pay for this hotel, because hes the one making you leave without a notice. As much as I love the guy, he sort of owes you big-time.
I watch the empty balcony as we drive away. Why do I feel like Ive been taking Ridges handouts since the day I met him? I look away from the balcony, feeling the anger building in my chest, but I dont even know who Im mad at. Love, maybe? I think Im mad at love.
I dont know why you feel the way you do, Warren says, but you need to stop. Youve never asked any of us for a single thing.
I nod, trying to agree with him.
Maybe Warren is right. Ridge is just as guilty in this as I am. Hes the one in the relationship. He should have asked me to leave as soon as he knew he was developing feelings for me. He also should have given me more than five minutes to move out. He made me feel like more of a liability than someone hes supposed to care about.
Youre right, Warren. And you know what? If Ridge is paying, I want you to take me to a really nice hotel. One with room service and a minibar full of tiny bottles of Pine-Sol.
Warren laughs. Thats my girl.
Ridge
Its been seventy-two hours.
Three days.
Enough time for me to come up with even more things I need to say to Maggie. Enough time for Warren to let me know that Sydney is finally in her own apartment. He wouldnt tell me which one, but thats probably for the best.
Seventy-two hours has also been enough time for me to realize that I miss having Sydney in my life almost as much as I miss Maggie. And its enough time to know that Im not going another day without talking to Maggie. I need to know that shes okay. Ive done nothing but pace this apartment since the moment I lost her.
Since the moment I lost both of them.
I pick up my phone and palm it for several minutes, too scared to text her. Im afraid of what her response will be. When I finally do type out a text, I close my eyes and hit send.
Me: Are you ready to talk about it?
I stare at my phone, waiting for her to respond. I want to know if shes okay. I want to be able to tell her my side. The fact that shes more than likely thinking the worst is killing me, and it feels as if I havent been able to breathe since she found out about Sydney and me.
Maggie: Ill never be ready, but it needs to be done. Im home all night.
As ready as I am to see her, Im also scared to death. I dont want to see her heartbroken.
Me: Ill be there in an hour.
I grab my things and head straight out the doorstraight back to the half of my heart that needs the most mending.
I have a key to her place. Ive had a key to her place for three years, but I havent had to ring her doorbell in all that time.