Wasn’t she as much to blame as Rocco for the lack of communication between them at the time—which had speeded up the end of their forced marriage?
Tying her shoelaces, she grabbed a canvas tote bag and went back to the terrace to find him waiting, blue eyes gleaming as he quickly appraised her change of footwear.
‘Much better,’ he murmured.
Nicole’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Strange coming from the man who once insisted I parade about his office in a pair of sky-high stilettos. What happened, Rocco? Did your tastes undergo a dramatic change?’
His face was impassive. ‘You are no longer my mistress, Nicole—that’s what happened.’
But she’d felt like his mistress last night. He had treated her with that same raw hunger he’d displayed at the beginning of their relationship, before they were married. And that was something else which had always puzzled her, something else she had felt unable to ask him in the past. But now she had nothing left to lose and she looked unflinchingly into his bright eyes. ‘Those things you used to get me to dress up in. The packages you used to buy from that shop in Soho—’
‘You’re going to tell me now that you didn’t like them?’ he questioned roughly.
‘No,’ she said slowly. ‘I’m not going to say that. I wore them because you did like them. But the more outrageous the outfits, the more...disapproving you seemed to be, even though they clearly turned you on. It was as if you were trying to turn me into someone you could ultimately despise. Is that what you were doing, Rocco?’
Rocco felt his mouth dry. She was far more perceptive than he’d given her credit for, or maybe he’d just never stopped to notice it before. He’d been horrified to discover that the beautiful cleaner had been a virgin, because he hadn’t wanted an innocent, he had wanted a mistress. Turning her onto the more colourful sexual practices enjoyed by his previous lovers had been an attempt to place her firmly into the latter category. Because the alternative was admitting he was captivated by having straightforward vanilla sex with his eager young lover. And that admission had made him uneasy because what then would she want from him—and could he ever be that man?
His mouth tightened. And then she’d fallen pregnant and once again he had been cast into the role which had haunted him all his life.
Responsible adult.
Ask Rocco.
See how Rocco does it.
Well, not any more.
He was free now and that was the way he liked it.
‘Maybe I was trying to get you to despise me,’ he admitted eventually.
Confusion fired in the leafy depths of her eyes. ‘But why would you do that?’
He saw the colour which had risen to her cheeks and somehow he knew he couldn’t duck out of this. ‘Because I knew I was the type of man who could hurt you,’ he said, in as candid an admission as he’d ever made. ‘And I didn’t want to do that. Not when I discovered just how sweet and innocent you really were.’
‘Could you...elaborate, please?’
Rocco scowled, wondering why she was being so persistent when this was only going to hurt her. ‘I thought that if I tried to objectify you, it would drive a wedge between us.’
‘And it did,’ she said dully.
‘It did,’ he agreed.
Her teeth were biting into the cushioned pinkness of her bottom lip but she said nothing more. She didn’t have to. Her face gave it all away. That he’d ended up hurting her anyway. Because that was what he did. She’d tried to get close and he’d pushed her away. He didn’t know any other way. He didn’t want it any other way.
His gaze swept over her. ‘So, have you changed your mind about sightseeing?’
She hesitated for a moment before shaking her head. ‘Actually, I’m looking forward to it.’
He looked at her curiously. ‘Despite the things I’ve just said?’
‘Maybe because of the things you’ve just said,’ she agreed then gave a shaky laugh. ‘I’ve found this discussion very...useful.’
‘I thought you didn’t like that word.’
‘That depends on the context.’ She shrugged and wound a curl around her finger. ‘Understanding what makes someone tick is always useful, Rocco. It helps me make some kind of sense out of what happened.’
And then she smiled and inexplicably Rocco felt his heart pound and for a moment he found himself wishing he’d kept his mouth shut and that they could just have spent the day in bed. ‘Let’s go,’ he said abruptly.