My mom fights a smile. After a few more minutes of pacing, she sits by my side, pulling my hand onto her lap like I’m a toddler instead of a recently turned twenty-six-year-old. “Remember when we tried to set Johanna and you up for prom?”
“How can I forget. Lukas nearly kicked my ass into tomorrow.”
My parents’ front lawn has some fond memories, including Lukas proposing in the same spot where he decked me in the face years prior.
“That was the moment I knew they would fall in love. They were like a movie, with the smart jock and the shy girl. He was only biding his time.”
“You watch too many romance movies.” I shake my head.
My mom looks for fairy-tale endings in everything because she’s a hopeless romantic who found the love of her life at twenty-two. Lukas followed her love advice to the letter while I float around, not exactly pursuing anything more at the moment.
Johanna’s words from earlier hang around me. Am I clingy because I don’t have someone to share my moments with? I don’t want to be seen as a needy guy. What are a few drunk calls in the grand scheme of things? Some people text exes while I call my friends, which isn’t exactly a character flaw.
The skin around her gray eyes wrinkles as she smiles at me. “If it weren’t for those movies, I may have never given your dad a chance.”
This time I really do gag. “You guys should pay for my therapy because a psychologist would have a field day with this shit.”
We sit around for what feels like hours. Unlike Elyse’s debut, Lukas doesn’t have time to come out and give us updates. I fool around on my phone to pass the time. Minute by minute goes by with no nurse coming out, giving us absolutely nothing to go off of as we wait around. Curiosity makes us all edgy as we await our new family member.
A nurse rushes into the waiting room, confirming we’re the Zander family. “There’s been a change of plans. Johanna’s been rushed into the operating room due to some medical complications. We don’t have a lot of information to report, but someone will return as soon as we have more news.”
“Oh God. I hope it’s nothing serious.” My mom resumes her pacing, abandoning her book on the chair.
“I’m sure the doctors know what they’re doing.” My dad’s flitting eyes don’t match the calming tone of his voice.
“Elyse was a natural birth. Why a C-section for this one?” My mom stops, pressing a hand against her chest as if the motion can calm her racing heart.
I place my phone back in my pocket, no longer in the mood to play a stupid game. “The doctor will let us know.”
A few minutes later, the door creaks open, revealing a pale Lukas, his fists clenched in front of him. His eyes lack any sign of life. He appears devoid of emotion, like someone sucked his soul right out of him, leaving behind a husk of a man.
A cold feeling creeps up my spine as his eyes land on mine.
A tear escapes his eye. One single tear makes my chest tighten and my lungs burn. The room feels like someone closed off our air supply, the heaviness choking the four of us. We remain silent, watching Lukas as his chest heaves, his dark eyes landing on each of us.
I lift myself out of my chair, my legs wobbling as I attempt to regain my composure. “What happened?”
His empty, expressionless eyes find mine. “Johanna didn’t make it.”
Tears run down his face, my stomach dropping as his lip trembles. My mom chokes back a sob as she runs to my brother and pulls him in for a hug. My dad and I stare at each other, no words passing our lips, a lack of understanding among us both.
What the fuck is happening?
My brother shakes, his legs giving out as my mother kneels on the floor with him. My heart rapidly beats in my chest while my stomach threatens to dump its contents on the beige tile.
My brother whispers his next words like saying his statement with strength makes it too real. “The baby was stuck.” Lukas’s voice cracks. “Jo’s blood pressure dropped during an emergency C-section, and she—” He sobs.
I don’t feel like someone ripped the rug out from under me. That would be too simple, too sweet to describe the nightmare occurring in front of me. It feels like someone ripped my goddamn legs from my body, leaving me in a bloody heap, so fucking helpless as my brother breaks down in some shitty hospital.
This can’t be happening.
Lukas’s body trembles as he curls into my mom’s, his soundless cries making my heart shrivel up. “She didn’t make it. She… She asked to see me hold our baby girl. That’s all she wanted. My fucking wife. Gone.” His heavy breathing becomes panicky and shallow.
Holy motherfucking shit.
My best friend is gone. The same woman who was smiling at me hours ago, calling me needy. Johanna, the best part of high school and one of my favorite people in the world. My friend who rolled her eyes at girls wanting me for my racing talents rather than for my hidden geekiness. The woman who stole my brother’s heart while making mine whole, branding herself onto each member of my family.
I don’t fight nausea as I run to the nearby trash can, my stomach revolting, acid coating my tongue while unfamiliar tears stream down my face. My pale fingers tremble as I clutch onto the plastic rim, using the trash can as a support for my shaking legs.