Jamil smiled woodenly, his smile not reaching his eyes. “You go home and never come back,” he stated.
His lips thinning, Rohan averted his gaze. Yes, if it didn’t go well, they would likely never be able to return to Calluvia through the Blind. The High Hronthar would be stupid not to cut that avenue off after this fiasco.
“It’s okay, Rohan,” Jamil said, in the same toneless voice. “I always knew it would end this way.” He looked down at his hands and smiled faintly. “It’s—it’s okay. I hope your meeting with the High Adept will go well. But if we—if we don’t see each other ever again, I wish you—I wish you a long, happy life. I hope you remember me fondly.”
Rohan didn’t remember crossing the distance between them as he knelt in front of Jamil’s chair.
“Don’t do this,” Rohan said roughly, taking Jamil’s hands and looking him in the eye intently. “Jamil, please.”
Jamil pressed his lips together.
“I’ll come back,” Rohan found himself saying, a promise he was in no position to give. He knew he shouldn’t give it, but dammit, he couldn’t bear seeing that empty, defeated look in Jamil’s eyes.
Jamil shook his head, smiling ruefully. “Even if you do, you won’t be able to stay with me. You have a duty to your people.” He chuckled. “I almost wish you really were a lowborn servant. Then I could keep you like my dirty little secret.”
His attempt at humor fell flat, because Rohan could sense how upset he really was.
“Sweetheart,” Rohan said hoarsely, kissing his fingers. I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.
His chin trembling, Jamil stared at him for a moment before lunging forward and falling into his arms. Rohan squeezed him tightly, pulling him into his lap. Their lips sought out each together. It wasn’t even a kiss; they just breathed into each other’s mouths, their arms wrapped in a bone-crushing hug. Everything felt disjointed, the world a blur of need and desperation so encompassing that nothing seemed real but the feel of Jamil’s skin against his mouth and the feel of him in his arms.
“I hate this,” Jamil whispered, his eyes squeezed shut as he clung to Rohan. “I hate that I’m—that I’m this close to begging you to stay with me. I knew you’d leave—I knew—but—” Jamil’s voice cracked, and Rohan held him tighter, closer, his own throat thick with emotion. He couldn’t stand seeing Jamil so upset—knowing that he was the reason for it—and everything in him wanted to soothe, to kiss that pain away, to make it better.
But he couldn’t make it better. Not this time.
“I’ll come back,” he said, kissing Jamil’s trembling lips. “I will.”
They both knew how empty this promise was when he had no idea if it was even possible.
Jamil shook his head, laid his head on Rohan’s shoulder, and whispered, “Just hold me? Just for a little while.”
His throat tight, Rohan did.
Chapter 23
“I was starting to forget your face,” Sirri said the moment he joined them at the appointed place half a tarsec away from the Blind.
Ignoring her, Rohan looked at Warrehn and the kid held in his grasp.
He did a double take, frowning. He had been led to believe the apprentice was older, but surely this kid couldn’t be older than seventeen. Despite the fierce scowl on his face, the boy’s features were soft and refined in a way that was usually lost as boys grew into men.
“How old even is he?” Rohan said, looking at Warrehn.
Warrehn shrugged. “He refuses to say.”
“Old enough to be a pain in our asses,” Sirri said with a scowl. She and the kid glared balefully at each other.
Rohan’s eyebrows crept up. “Are we sure he’s the Grandmaster’s apprentice? I didn’t think they encouraged emotion.”
He received a withering look from the kid.
Sirri snorted. “He’s touchy about it.” She glanced at her multi-device. “We should get moving.”
“Everything clear?” Rohan asked.
Sirri nodded. “Their people really left. Everyone but the Grandmaster.”
Warrehn’s blue eyes kept glancing around warily. “Doesn’t mean we aren’t tracked somehow. Let’s get moving.” He shoved the kid forward, though it was surprisingly gentle for him.
At Rohan’s surprised glance, Sirri leaned to him and murmured, “That little snake is smart as hell and manipulative like you wouldn’t believe. He quickly figured out that Warrehn used to have a little brother and learned how to play on his pity. He almost managed to escape after he convinced Warrehn that the rope was hurting his wrists and must be loosened.”
Rohan grimaced but didn’t say anything as he followed Warrehn and the kid. Sirri fell into step with him. Knowing what was coming, Rohan spoke before she could. “What do your senses say about this meeting? Does it feel like a trap?”
Sirri shot him a look that made it clear that she knew exactly what he was doing. “I’m not sure. It doesn’t feel like a trap, but I sense…” She pursed her lips. “I sense danger. As if we’re going to meet someone the likes of which we’ve never dealt with.” She smiled uneasily. “It’s probably just my nerves playing tricks with me. You know my gift isn’t precise.”