Pinching the bridge of his nose, Shawn admitted, “Yeah, all right. So what?”
Christian lifted his hands. “Hey, I’m not judging. Whatever floats your boat.” He shrugged with a crooked smile. “It’s none of my business if you have a crush on his dick.”
Shawn slumped back in his chair and looked at Christian grimly. “It might be a bit more complicated than that.” He ran a hand over his forehead, sighing. “I’m not even sure how to act around him in class anymore. It’s like my brain stops working when he’s around.” He grimaced. “I kissed him yesterday outside his office. I couldn’t help it. We were lucky it was late and no one saw us—I think.”
Christian’s eyebrows almost reached his hairline. He whistled. “Wait, are you, like, in a relationship?”
Shawn rubbed the corner of his eye. “No—I mean—I don’t know. I… I kinda gave him a key to my place.”
Christian started laughing.
Shawn kicked him under the table. “Shut up. It made sense to do it. Sometimes he comes very late, and I don’t want him to wake up the kids with his knocking. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”
“Oh, really?”
Shawn heaved a sigh. “I don’t know. Things have been weird lately. He’s so good to me sometimes, and I feel like… I feel so good with him, you know?” Happy. “It’s so confusing.”
“No shit. Don’t you talk?”
Shawn shrugged. “Sure, we talk, but not about that. He comes to my place in the evening and if the kids are still up, it’s not like we can talk properly. If they’re in bed already, we don’t spend much time talking.” I just want to get him naked and on me. “And he’s not exactly the talking type.”
“Looks like he wants to talk this time.” Christian nodded towards something behind him.
Shawn turned his head and saw Rutledge walking to him briskly. Shawn stood up and took a step away from the table just as Rutledge reached him.
“Something wrong?” Shawn murmured, glancing around. They were attracting curious stares; instructors normally didn’t visit the cafeteria.
Rutledge’s shoulders relaxed a little. “No,” he said, turning around and heading out of the cafeteria, clearly expecting Shaw to follow.
Rolling his eyes, Shawn did.
“I’m leaving for a few days,” Rutledge said once they were outside.
“Where? Why?”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s none of your business.”
Shawn crossed his arms over his chest. “Really? Then why are you even telling me?”
They glowered at each other.
Shawn refused to drop his gaze.
“I’m leaving,” Rutledge said with finality.
“Fine. Go.” Shawn bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hold back dozens of questions. Questions that would make him look like a pathetic needy teenage girl.
Rutledge took a step to him; their faces were only inches apart now. There was a strange restlessness haunting Rutledge’s dark eyes. Something was shifting between them, and it scared Shawn. And excited him.
A few seconds passed as they just looked at each other.
Some guy walked out of the cafeteria, and they sprang apart.
“Sir,” the guy said respectfully to Rutledge.
“Right,” Shawn said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ll go.” Before I jump on you and kiss you in front of everyone.
Rutledge nodded stiffly and stalked away.
Shawn sighed. Dammit.
Maybe a few-days’ break would do them good. Things were getting too weird.
Or maybe the problem was it wasn’t weird anymore.
Chapter 21
Rutledge didn’t return in a few days.
Nor did he call. Shawn knew he could call, but the mere thought made him cringe. He didn’t want to seem clingy.
By Friday, Shawn didn’t know what to think. It didn’t help that Emily and Bee kept asking where Mr. Rutledge was—the question Shawn had no answer for.
Where was he?
There was a niggling thought at the back of Shawn’s mind that Rutledge was a commitment-phobe. Maybe he’d left because this thing between them freaked him out. If that was it, well, fuck him. Shawn would be damned if he’d let himself be the clingy one.
“What’s wrong with you, man?” Christian asked on Friday morning as they took their seats in Rutledge’s class.
“Nothing.”
“You look like shit.”
“Didn’t sleep well,” Shawn muttered, rubbing his eyes. It wasn’t a lie. “I’m just—” He cut himself off, noticing the professor who walked into the classroom.
It wasn’t Rutledge.
His heart sank.
Professor Newland took the seat behind Rutledge’s desk and smiled at the students.
“Good morning,” the woman said cheerfully. “I’ll be substituting for Professor Rutledge until further notice.”
A cheer went through the room.
Shawn lifted his hand.
“Yes, Mr. Wyatt?” Newland said.
“Where is Professor Rutledge?”
She raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think it’s your concern, but if you must know… Professor Rutledge is absent due to family circumstances.”
“Yeah,” the girl sitting on Shawn’s other side murmured. “I’ve seen in the news that he’s marrying some politician’s daughter.”
Shawn stared at her numbly.
Christian put a hand on his shoulder and said something, but he could barely hear it.
Married? Derek?
“It can’t be true,” he whispered, more to himself than to the girl. “He’s gay. And he’s…” Mine.