Giving myself a once-over, I nod. My outfit is perfect, and I’m calm enough from last night to face whatever Adrian says this morning. Although I’m exhausted with bags under my eyes, I’m a professional and I’ll act accordingly.
None of it explains how my hands go numb and my stomach turns over every time I think of Adrian, though. This is exactly why they say not to fuck your boss. Every instinct I have tells me that today is our last day and potentially my last day at work as well.
He’s taken over my mind and my emotions. How the hell did I let that happen?
I can lie to myself all I want as I smooth my skirt down, but he’s still lingering behind every one of my thoughts.
I reassure myself on the trip into the office that I’ll be professional and that whatever happens, I will survive. And that these emotions are warranted. It’s perfectly normal to experience insecurities around something as intimate as sex, and something as forbidden as sex with the man who holds your future in his hands. Not just your future, either, but that of everyone you work with.
The thoughts marinate all throughout my morning routine. From paying for my morning coffee at the stand on the corner, to nodding at colleagues on my way to the elevator. These feelings and thoughts don’t leave me. Dwelling on it all won’t help. All I want to do is rip the fucking bandage off.
My thoughts will only get more complicated, and what can simplify them is answers. The email went out this morning, and four people have already texted me. The only one I replied to was Gail, who’s waiting for me so we can head to the conference room together. Three departments are meeting at once this morning. The last three. Just the thought sends unease washing through me again.
“You ready?” Gail asks me, a notebook tucked under her arm as she pulls the hem of her dress down. It’s a dark red number with three-quarter sleeves, and it hugs her curves all the way down to her thighs.
Red is a confident color. Nodding, I lift my coffee to her. “Let’s do this.”
It’s quiet as we take the elevator up. “At least we’ll know,” Gail murmurs and I nod, choosing not to say anything at all. Her nervousness is as obvious as mine.
I hate this. I hate every bit of it and that’s all I can think as we settle into the room, all twenty chairs filled and three men standing in the back corner.
The conversation swells from soft murmurs and gossip to one man speaking far too loudly in the room and then all at once stops.
Adrian strides to the head of the table to address everyone. If I hadn’t spent so much time with him, knowing the curve of his jaw, the strength in his stance, I might not notice the subtle darkness under his eyes, as if he hasn’t slept either.
His suit is crisp, though, custom fitted no doubt, and his shoulders set back, the air seeming to bend around him.
“Good morning,” he says, and my body instantly heats. He has all the power to turn our lives upside down, but I still crave the sound of his voice. “I’m not going to waste any time. As part of this company’s restructuring, some departments will be dissolved.”
Sucking in a breath, I prepare myself.
“Your applications will be suggested to a competitor who will need to hire a number of positions after a merger.” His eyes meet mine. “The only department that stays is brand positioning and marketing. It will stay in its entirety.”
Mutters fill the room instantly, but Adrian cuts them off with a gesture.
“Did he say our department?” Gail whispers. And I nod without thinking. It’s what he said, isn’t it? He said brand positioning and marketing?
Gail lets out a not-so-subtle sigh and grabs my hand, squeezing so tight that my knuckles hurt. My department is safe. I can barely breathe, let alone sit here and absorb everything else he said.
There will be a merger.
He said there will be a merger.
We are safe, but what are the details of the merger? What exactly is happening? A split-up? He continues, fielding questions and a few men file out without a single word. They’re pissed, dealing with the gravity of the situation. Everything seems to happen around me in a whirl. I have a million questions for Adrian. If the other sectors are being merged, what does that mean for my department? I rely on finance and purchasing and production to do what I do. Our department is all about ideas and relationships, but bringing those ideas to life relies on others. Does this mean I’ll have to outsource? To the new company, even?
It’s not long before I feel lingering stares on the back of my neck, and my ears go hot. They’re all stealing glances at me, one by one. The corners of their mouths are turned down in disapproving frowns.