“You really know how to make a girl feel good about herself, Lockwood. Thanks for that.”
I stalked to the door, not even bothering to fix my clothing. If he didn’t want to have sex with me, fine. I was a big girl. I could handle it. He didn’t have to lie.
“Please don’t leave.” He grabbed my elbow, preventing me from taking even one step past him. “I’m not lying. I…made a promise to myself.”
“I don’t understand. Don’t you…”
I couldn’t say it. If he admitted that he didn’t want me, it would be over and I’d never be able to use my default fantasy again. My entire sex life as an escort had been with men who had paid me to keep them company. Ben had been the only one who’d wanted me, no money involved. I couldn’t lose that. It was the sole semblance of a real, emotional connection I had.
“Grace, look at me.”
I made the mistake of looking into his eyes and it killed me, because I knew he was telling the truth. And that just made the whole situation worse. I did my best to straighten my shoulders and lift my chin. If he didn’t want to get inside my pants, there was no way I could let him get inside my head. No way I could disclose that I, too, hadn’t had sex since I’d stopped being an escort.
“I h
ave never wanted anyone more than I want you.” His grip on my elbow tightened. “Never. Is that enough for you?”
I shook my head. He’d had his chance to woo me with romantic words and gestures. He’d had his chance to tell me the truth. But that wasn’t why I had jumped at the chance to watch porn. It wasn’t why I was in this office instead of the casting room making swag bags.
“I don’t want your words, Ben. I want your cock.”
I wasn’t ashamed to say it. Not to Ben. If anyone understood, it would be him.
“So what I’m hearing is that you want to use me?”
The ache between my legs pulsed harder with every syllable he spoke. Why did his voice have to be so damn sexy?
He licked his lips, his eyes settling on my chest. I knew with our height difference, he was able to see right down my dress. “I’m probably a good choice.”
Hope filled me. I stepped closer, but he took two steps back.
I growled in frustration, that hope taking a nosedive and imploding when it hit the floor. “Fine. I’ll go.”
“Wait.” His words were barely audible. He returned to his spot in front of me. The shorter the distance between us, the more my body shook—an unstoppable shiver that ran up my spine and awoke all of the nerve endings in my body.
Did his closeness mean he was ready to give in? I reached out, but he skirted away from my hand.
“Screw you, Ben.” I jerked out of his grip. “I can go and find a million other guys to have sex with.” The mess of emotions running through me tonight rivaled the best of premenstrual hormone surges. But right now all I could feel was disappointment. Disappointment that I wasn’t enough to tempt him. And the fact that I felt it made me angry.
I turned, and with a dramatic flare flipped my hair over my shoulder.
“But you won’t.” I stopped dead in my tracks. “Because you want me.”
I snorted. Arrogant son-of-a—
“You think I don’t want to fuck you?” With two steps, his body was flush against mine. He gripped my hand, pulling it up to his chest. “Believe me, there is nothing more in this world I want to do. I want to bend you over that desk, pull up your dress, and rip your panties from your body.”
I sucked in a breath. His words were like a trigger. A lure of dirty talk that brought out the game player in me. “What if I’m not wearing any panties?”
His jaw tightened and I saw the muscles working under his skin. “Then you’re just making it easier for me to get what I want.”
I looked up, staring him down as best I could. “And what do you want?”
He considered his response as he slid his hand over his erection, cupping the thick outline against his khakis. I’d never been a fan of khaki pants. They reminded me too much of the guys in my business classes. But Ben made khakis look sinful and I wanted to run my tongue along every inch of that thick outline.
“Why are you knitting?” He croaked out the words. I barely recognized his voice.
Why the hell was he bringing up knitting at a time like this? But I responded, stepping back to get some perspective. “I’m trying new things.”