He resisted the urge to look out of the window when Yev’s truck arrived, dreaming of moss and grass under his paws. Of air smelling like damp earth and leaves while he ran after a rabbit. In those fantasies, woven on the very edge of reality and sleep, he chased his prey between the trees while another animal ran alongside him, just beyond the reach of his gaze. Its breath was even, its gait heavy. They would soon share a meal.
Radek awoke, startled to see the room had gone dark since he’d last closed his eyes. He exhaled the breath he’d been holding, gaze focused on the bright glow sneaking in through the curtains.
What time was it?
The house was silent, but he could smell Yev downstairs. He now understood why his senses had always been so sharp, but since his shift back into human form, it was as if he’d aligned with his fox nature and became even more sensitive.
Radek hesitated, convinced his right palm was back where it belonged, but one glance confirmed it was gone. He hated the stump more than he could express. Every little thing he’d tried doing since Yev had left proved impossible. He’d attempted doing the dishes, sweeping, braiding his hair and failed every time. He couldn’t even zip up a hoodie on his own so he’d given up at some point and settled for sleeping in Yev’s old T-shirt. It was the next best thing to Yev as it smelled of him and offered the comfort of soft fabric.
Having his advances rejected had stung and Radek couldn’t keep pushing, because that wouldn’t have been right. After all Yev had done for him, Radek had to respect his wishes, whether they made sense or not. Why would Yev even want to obey the rules of a bunch of homophobic werewolves when they could’ve been fucking each other’s brains out?
Radek once more looked at the stump and couldn’t help the sob forming in his throat. Maybe that was the real issue. Radek would be a liability and Yev was trying to gently let go of the responsibility before taking him back home in a few days. He couldn’t house and feed Radek indefinitely if he planned to go back to his village and fit in there.
Once Yev was gone, Radek would be alone with his secret and a disability he still didn’t want to accept.
A low growl echoed in Radek’s stomach, prompting him to roll to his back and stare at the ceiling again. He should have taken snacks upstairs, but no, he’d been so frustrated with his failings in the kitchen that he’d given up and fallen asleep far too early. Now, he was not only wide awake but also hungry.
Fuck.
Thankfully, he didn’t feel like relieving his bladder, because he’d also forgotten to bring a suitable container into the locked bedroom. Then again, he’d once gotten drunk and peed out of the window on the third floor.
That had been a night to remember.
He sat up and glanced at the small plastic alarm clock he’d once chewed on as Ember because Yev had left early and forgot to switch the thing off.
3:30 a.m.
And no sounds from downstairs. Yev had to be asleep by now. Would it really be such an issue if Radek sneaked into the kitchen for a quick snack and a glass of milk? It would take him five minutes tops. Back in Cracow, he used to make all these late night food delivery orders. Now that he knew he was a fox, his nocturnal habits made way more sense.
That life felt like light years away. Would he even be able to drive a car again?
Radek punched the wall in frustration, but tears still blurred his vision. He didn’t deserve this. Yet no matter how much he willed the truth away, every time he opened his eyes, the stump was there, staring back at him.
4 a.m.
Enough was enough. It was almost morning anyway, and Yev was surely asleep. He’d said it himself that he wouldn’t shift into a beast in the house thanks to some mushrooms, as long as the curtains were shut. That he might just be agitated.
It would be fine. Radek would be in and out of the kitchen, then hurry back into the bedroom.
But as he stepped close to the door and touched the lock, his heart sped up in anticipation of a massive body hitting it from the other side in an attempt to break them in, of giant claws scratching the wood. When none of that happened, Radek inhaled, held his breath and turned the little handle as silently as humanly possible. The hinges were well oiled, so he managed to make very little noise before he exhaled, sticking his head into the hallway.
The house was quiet. So quiet Radek almost convinced himself Yev had decided to spend the night outside after all, but he still placed his feet with care so the old wooden floor wouldn’t creak under his weight. He made his way downstairs, his pulse picking up as he first sensed Yev’s sharp, foresty aroma, and then heard him breathe.