He could feel Radek stiffen under him. “What are you saying?” he whispered, his voice like a whine for help.
Yev shut his eyes, already hurting. “What I’ve always been saying. I’ll go back home once my time here is over, Radek. We can still stay in touch, but no, I won’t come with you to Cracow. It’s not natural for me to live in the city.”
Radek huffed, silent for a prolonged time, but he kept stroking Yev’s neck. “What if I moved back to Dybukowo?”
He could have as well punched Yev in the heart. It was unreasonable. Whatever they shared had no future, no matter how much Yev wanted it in moments of vulnerability just before falling asleep. But reality was no fairy tale, even if werewolves and changelings were real.
“They might still try to kill you. And my place… my place is with them.”
“Are you dumping me?” Radek asked and the tremble to his voice didn’t escape Yev’s attention. Now, swallowing was painful too.
“It’s not like that. I’ve been telling you from the start I’ll go back there.”
Radek stirred and pushed at Yev, trying to crawl from under him. “You told me you couldn’t do this at all. And then you did. Excuse me for making assumptions!”
Yev clenched his teeth so hard they briefly hurt but didn’t try to stop him. “A werewolf without a pack is nothing. Don’t you understand this?”
Radek got to his feet, looking forlorn without clothes, and with reddened eyes. “I clearly don’t, because I’m on my own. None of the foxes are like me!”
Yev pulled the blanket over his shoulders while he watched Radek, already knowing their time together was over, even though Radek hadn’t said it yet. “We can still look for clues. Maybe you’re not the only one?”
“Oh, yeah? You gonna help me find a fox boyfriend?” Radek snapped and walked around the room gathering things to wear like a machine that was suddenly put in motion. He was messy like that, always left his shit on chairs and tables.
“What are you doing?” Yev asked in a voice he couldn’t purge of dullness. He’d gotten used to having Radek around and didn’t want to wake up to an empty bed tomorrow.
“I’m going. I won’t be sitting around here like some… open yoghurt with a long overdue expiration date.” Radek’s movements were getting frantic as he struggled putting on the pants he’d just picked up.
“It’s not like that. Weren’t you the one to suggest we could have some fun together and move on?” Yev asked, though his heart knew they were both past that point now.
Radek looked back at him once he managed to pull up the jeans, red overtaking the amber in his eyes. “I’ve got a cuff with your phone number in my ear!”
“That’s for safety,” Yev said, despite this not being the whole truth. Whatever he was telling himself, it excited him to know Radek carried a tag with his name like a signifier of ownership. “It doesn’t need to mean anything.”
Radek pulled on a T-shirt and approached the sofa. “Take it off then.”
Yev froze. “No. I mean… you could shift again!”
Radek chewed on that for endless seconds but then turned on his heel to look for another layer of clothing. “This is so shit! So maybe we haven’t exactly established a relationship, but what did you think was happening?”
They’d been on the slippery slope to becoming way more than friends. And now everything was over.
Yev stood still, his heart on ice as he watched Radek pick up his things. Inside, he so desperately wanted to keep him, but what would be the point?
“Feelings have nothing to do with this. I never hid my plans from you.”
Radek stood with his back to Yev when he put on a sweater. “When? When do you go? No. I don’t wanna know. Sorry for misinterpreting all the sweet words no one’s ever said to me before!” he said with a tremble to his usually smooth voice.
“Radek, please… sometimes it’s worth it to have something good for a short time. The right memories will last you a lifetime,” he said, cracking his knuckles as he stared at the boy’s bare feet, which had to still be cold. He’d been ready to fight Burian to the death for Radek half an hour ago. Was he really about to let him go?
Radek shook his head and grabbed a pair of socks from the drying rack by the tiled oven. “I’ve had so much to deal with lately, and you were the one stable thing in my life. Why don’t you just cut my other arm off while we’re at it!”
Yev stood up, his heart heavy as if it were blocked and gathered all the blood flowing through his body. “Don’t say that. Please.”
Radek sniffed and rubbed his forehead, facing away. “What am I supposed to say? I’ve got all these feelings for you, and you’d like me to lie that I’m okay with being your convenient fuck?”