Then it’s definitely the right word.
And it clicks so much into place.
Rosa and I made arrangements to continue to see each other via Facetime once per week and tapering off as needed. She was ready to recommend a therapist in Boston, but I’m comfortable with her and prefer to continue as we are for now.
I feel so much better, and already, I’m willing to respect Braden’s hard limit. He doesn’t want to engage in breath control because it’s dangerous, and he doesn’t want to harm me.
That’s a good thing. A noble thing.
What’s more? I don’t need to atone for anything. Yes, it will take time to totally banish the idea that I was responsible for my parents’ separation, but I’m on the right track now, as Rosa said. And I deserve all the success I’m having with my influencing career. I take damned good photos and come up with clever ideas and copy. Hell, it’s the reason Addie hired me in the first place.
I can’t wait to tell Braden.
I want to tell him that I respect his hard limit. That I respect his wishes and desires. That I respect him so much.
And I do.
Even more? I love him so much.
“Amazing,” Tessa says over our drinks this evening after I relay the whole story. “So much was happening to you, and I didn’t know about it. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, too, with the whole Garrett thing.”
She takes a sip of her blue margarita. “I guess we both fucked up.”
I nod. “I guess we did, though I think I fucked up more.”
She bursts into laughter. “Skye, you slay me. You even want control over this.”
I join in her giggles because she’s right. “I give. We’re both guilty.”
“And degree of guilt doesn’t matter. Say it with me, Skye.”
“Degree of guilt doesn’t matter,” I echo.
“Say it like you mean it,” she throws back at me.
“We’re both guilty. Degree of guilt doesn’t matter. We’ll both do better.”
“There you go. Best friends forever.” She finishes her drink. “You want to order some food?”
“Sure.” I signal to our server.
We place a quick order for some street tacos and another margarita for Tessa. I’m still working on my bourbon.
“Selfie time!” I rise and move to the other side of the table with my phone.
“Do I look okay?” Tessa asks.
“Are you kidding? You always look gorgeous.” I snap a few photos and let Tessa choose which one to post. I do some quick edits and then post.
Nothing better than drinks with the BFF! @tessa_logan_350 #bffsforever #margaritaville #menwhoneedsthem? #tessaandskye
And I realize, even with Braden and me not right yet, I haven’t been this happy in a long time.
…
I’ve been using the Susie skincare line for a little over a week now, so it’s time to compare my before post to how I look now.
Hmm. Not bad at all. I don’t have acne or anything, but my complexion is noticeably more even-toned.
Before and after one week of Susie skincare. My skin is more even-toned and it feels great! #sponsored. #susiegirl #anyonecanbeasusiegirl #susieglow
My last post about the tinted moisture earned me a thumbs up text from Eugenie. The copy for this one isn’t as inspired, but I want my audience to focus on the photos. I’ll post again in another week.
Today is Saturday. The day I was supposed to return from Kansas.
The day Braden is due to return from New York.
We’ve spoken on the phone every day, just checking in. Yesterday, though, I let him know I need to talk to him about something important.
I’m going to answer his question.
Where will it lead?
I don’t know. What I do know is that Braden is in love with me and I’m in love with him.
What I also know is that Braden himself has something he’s hiding, something he keeps buried inside him. I’ve made the decision not to force it out of him. Not like I’d be successful anyway.
Tonight, I’ll share a part of myself with him that I’ve only just discovered.
I hope it inspires him to share something more with me.
If it doesn’t?
That’s okay. I still love him, and I’ll give him all the time he needs. If he needs to be without me, I’ll accept that.
I hope he decides to come back to me, though.
I miss him so desperately.
He’s due at my place by seven. I’m going to cook him dinner. My shrimp étouffée that was ruined, spurring our second trip to New York.
The beginning of the end.
Tonight, though? Tonight will be the beginning of the beginning.
I’ll will it to be.
I make a quick trip to the liquor store to pick up a Beaujolais-Villages, posting a selfie along the way.
Posting is beginning to become second nature to me. To be a success, I must be a friend to my audience, not just an advertiser. I need to show them that I’m human. I’m the same as they are. Skye Manning has drinks with her BFF. Skye Manning goes to yoga class. Skye Manning shops for étouffée ingredients and the perfect wine accompaniment.