I’m losing her again.
And then I did what I always did when fear and hopelessness threatened to overtake me - I resorted to anger and frustration. “This isn’t the fuckin’ end of this,” I snapped, and stalked out of the room without waiting for her response.
I didn’t need to see her rejection again.
I just needed to find a way to get through to her.
Chapter Nine
Evie
I hadn’t heard from Kick in two days. Not since he told me he didn’t know how to be in a relationship with me. My heart hurt and that pissed me off. Why did he have to show up and create these feelings when I was doing okay without him? And why did he struggle so much with letting me in? When we’d been together in the past, it was like Kick lived two lives. One with me, and one with his other family, the club. I could never work out why he kept the two completely separate. What kind of person doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends? It made me feel like shit when he refused to let me meet them. I wouldn’t put myself through that again.
I’d decided to try and put him out of my mind when I realised that would be impossible. Out of the question, actually, because when I visited my mother two days after he’d walked out of my house on an angry outburst, Kick was at her house again.
As I entered her kitchen, I asked, “Where is he? I saw his bike out front.”
She looked up from the vegetables she was cutting up and smiled at me. “He’s out the back, cleaning the gutters.”
“Why?”
She frowned. “I guess because he’s a nice guy and wanted to help me.”
“So he just dropped by and decided to do it for you?” I asked, incredulous.
“He told me he’d noticed them the other day, so that’s why he came back. Are you annoyed about it?”
I huffed out a breath. “I don’t know how I feel, Mum. I
’m like a big knot of stress at the moment. One minute I want him and then the next he pisses me off and I just want him to leave.” God, I felt like one of those whiny bitches I couldn’t fucking stand.
Just make up your mind already.
A huge smile spread across her face. “Baby, you’ve always loved Kick, and from what you just said, I don’t think that love is going anywhere soon. You two have always had that push and pull where you piss each other off, so that’s nothing new.”
“Maybe I don’t want a relationship like that anymore. Maybe I want something easier with no pissing each other.”
She laughed. “Oh, Evie... you’d be bored in a day.”
She was right and I fucking knew it.
And that pissed me off even more.
God damn it.
I left her and went in search of Kick. I found him and Braden up on the roof out the back. He didn’t realise I was there for a couple of minutes, so I took the opportunity to watch him and just soak him in. He was shirtless and his muscles rippled as he moved. And I had an awesome view of his ass, too, so every time he bent over, he blessed my eyes with that ass.
Oh god.
My mother was so right when she said I’d be bored without the push and pull Kick and I had.
I still love him.
With every fibre of my being.
With every scar he’d left on my heart.
I still want a life with him.