The lengthy pause stretched between us, and I held my breath.
“I need to go,” he said. “I need time to think about things.”
I nodded slowly, and to myself. “I get it. Whatever you need.”
“Goodbye, Ruby.”
The words tasted like dust in my mouth. “Goodbye, Kyle.”
When he disconnected the call, I crossed my arms on the table, dropped my head onto them, and cried myself to sleep.
Chapter
FORTY-ONE
KYLE
I hung up, and Ruby’s haunting goodbye echoed in my mind. Her voice had been full of worry, like she thought this might be the last time we spoke.
Did I want it to be? No. But I also wanted her to trust me, and I was learning the hard way I couldn’t always get what I wanted. Goddamnit. I set my palms on the counter, spread wide, and hung my head, feeling weary down to my bones.
Why couldn’t she love me the same way I loved her?
I reached for the bottle of bourbon on the counter, and stopped when I saw the box of mint chocolate macarons Ruby had brought over the other night. A new recipe she’d tried out, just for me, because it was my favorite flavor combination. They hadn’t come out perfectly, according to her, but they were still delicious.
The box went in the garbage. I wanted it gone from sight.
I poured my drink but didn’t take a sip. I stared at the caramel-colored liquid with a scowl. Was I going to have to pour it down the drain? It reminded me too much of her.
As did the blue couch.
And the whole fucking city.
I closed my eyes, but even there I couldn’t escape. If anything, it was worse. There was nothing to distract me from the memories of her. How she laughed. How she gasped my name when I made her come.
How she looked when she was standing in my firm’s lobby with tears streaking down her face.
“Fuck!” I threw the glass in the sink, slinging the bourbon everywhere, and it shattered on impact. I stared at the gleaming shards at the bottom of my sink, stunned. I wasn’t one to have emotional outbursts, but then again, I wasn’t one to have much emotion at all.
Not before her, and not after her, either.
It ate at me, the box of macarons in my empty garbage can. I’d seen firsthand how difficult those damn cookies were to get right; she’d worked too hard for me to just throw them away. I lifted the lid on the can, dug the box out, and set it on the counter.
They weren’t perfect, but things rarely were on the first try. She’d told me how sometimes she could have all the right ingredients, but still not have them come together as she wanted. It might even take her a few more attempts before she finally got it right.
Jesus. What if that was us? We had all the right stuff, but needed to refine our process until we got it how it was supposed to be.
I was still picking glass out of my garbage disposal when Payton and Dominic arrived; I’d forgotten completely about our plans to go to dinner. I tried to get out of it, but Payton could be just as stubborn as our father, and I found myself seated at the restaurant, recounting the ordeal.
Once again, I was a third wheel.
I glanced occasionally at my phone, wondering if Ruby would reach out to me, and if so, what she would say. I’d told her I needed time, and I did, but as I stared at the empty spot beside me in the booth, I missed her. All these emotions twisted inside me.
“I know he looks perfect,” Payton said, her smile directed at Dominic, “but no one is. Even he fucks up.”
“Rarely,” Dominic corrected. “You meant to include the word ‘rarely.’”
Payton ignored him, turning her focus on me. “Sounds like she’s got trust issues. You know, you kind of reinforced that by abandoning her after graduating.”