Rafe starts to say something but stops himself at whatever he sees in my face and nods, going back to toweling his hair dry. I’m just relieved he’s not going to push it. I go into the bedroom, throw on sweatpants, and fiddle with the window, trying to get some air.
“Colin.” I startle at Rafe’s voice and turn around. He slides his hands underneath my sweatpants and over my ass. He squeezes and I shudder against him. “Mmm. Have I told you what a gorgeous ass you have?”
My face heats up in an instant. Every time Rafe talks to me like this, it turns me on faster than anything. And I’m happy to be distracted.
Rafe pulls me toward him and scoots back on the bed to make room for me between his legs. His mouth is hot and I can’t get enough of the way he tastes. When his arms come around me, I let myself relax on top of him, just wanting more contact. Rafe runs a hand down my back as we kiss, but he doesn’t stop; he trails his fingers down to the top of my ass and into the crease there. I startle.
“Is this okay?” Rafe asks, looking at me seriously. He stops moving until I nod. I’m not sure if it’s okay. Rafe just looks at me. I start to kiss his neck because it’s awkward.
“Wait a second, okay?” he says.
Slow as honey, Rafe pulls my cheeks apart, squeezing in a way that makes my breath come short. Rafe’s eyes go hot and his eyelids lower to half-mast.
“Good?”
I nod, but my breathing starts to come too fast and I feel too hot. Things I don’t want to think about crowd the edges of my thoughts, and I shake my head to banish them.
He slides a finger down and runs it lightly over my hole, and I jerk against him. At first, I can’t tell if I’m turned on or freaked out. Both. Definitely both. Rafe doesn’t move, just looks at me steadily.
“Bad?” Rafe asks, his voice neutral.
I shake my head, confused. “No, I—” I duck my head to his shoulder, but after a minute, he lifts my chin to look at him again.
“Tell me.”
“I don’t—uh—I don’t have much basis for comparison,” I mutter.
“Okay.” Rafe kisses me and his voice is soft. “You don’t have much. But you do have some?”
And there it is. What I’ve been avoiding thinking about. Almost like talk of my damn tattoo conjured it.
Rafe’s expression is neutral but I can tell he’s paying close attention. I look out the window.
“Only once. And it… wasn’t a good thing.” That’s a fucking understatement. Rafe’s hands on me tighten, and he bites his lip, like he’s waiting for me to go on. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He narrows his eyes like he’s going to push it, and I prime myself to get up and leave if he does.
But then he just pulls me closer and hugs me. After a minute or so, I relax against him.
“Is that what you want?” I ask. My face is near his ear so I only have to breathe the words. “To… to fuck me?” The words feel odd in my mouth.
“Mmm. Well.” His voice is a rumble. “I would love to fuck you. But there are lots of other things we can do if you don’t want that. I want it to be good for you.”
I nod.
“Or you could fuck me,” he says. “If you want.”
And damn, the idea of being inside Rafe wakes my dick right up. But I don’t really want that. Not now. Don’t want the responsibility. The idea that I could hurt him is too awful.
“No. Uh, I mean, no thanks.”
Rafe smiles. “You want to go watch a movie or something?”
I shake my head and kiss his neck, feeling his pulse speed up beneath my lips. I kiss his ear and down his jaw to his mouth. We kiss slowly at first, but then I bite at Rafe’s lip and we start really going at it, feeding on each other’s mouths and grinding together.
I need this. Need to feel in control of it. And Rafe’s good at that. I take his hand and he curls his fingers around mine as if we were walking down the waterfront hand in hand. I move his hand to my ass and slide down so our hips are aligned. Then I grind hard into him and he grabs my ass just like I knew he would.
“Want to try?” he asks, and I nod. Rafe runs both hands over my ass as we kiss. He strokes fingertips over my hole and the skin around it and I shiver as nerve endings wake up. It’s turning me on in the strangest way. A way that has nothing to do with my dick and more to do with the heat that’s started buzzing inside me. After a minute, I’m shaking in Rafe’s arms and my dick is rock hard. Rafe groans and kisses me desperately. Then he rolls me off him and turns to his side to face me, his erection heavy between us. He runs a hand down my neck.