Around one AM I noticed Matt talking to a girl. The only reason I took a second glance was because he had his hand locked around the top of her arm. Something about his expression bothered me as he ran his free hand over his flustered face, though I couldn’t pinpoint what. I stared as he ushered her through the dwindling crowd toward the office. I went to follow but immediately scolded myself. You’re being ridiculous.
Fucking Ryan, I thought, blaming him for planting seeds of doubt in my head. He may have sowed them, but I didn’t have to let them grow. An internal battle ensued when Matt and the brunette hadn’t reappeared after several minutes. My feet started carrying me to the office against my will and I hated myself for it. I trusted Matt. Don’t I? He loved me. I knew he did. Nobody could fake the moments we’d shared together.
When I reached the door I didn’t have the courage to open it. I heard muffled words coming from inside but couldn’t decipher them. I sighed with relief at the knowledge he wasn’t screwing her, and then wanted to punch myself in the face for doubting him.
I jumped back a few steps when the door began to open.
“But whe-” the girl began but Matt cut her off.
“Just leave. I’ll call you.”
My heart slithered into the pit of my stomach. When she left I could see her eyes were red and swollen even under the flashing lights. I strolled into the room, my legs feeling like they could give way at any moment, determined to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“Who was that?” I asked, my voice casual despite the fact I was dying inside.
“Oh, um…just a fan wanting an autograph,” he lied. He actually fucking lied to me and with such a straight face too.
“You couldn’t do that out on the floor?”
“Didn’t have a pen on me.”
He sauntered over to me, his expression poised but his eyes troubled. I watched his hands as they rubbed up and down my arms and for the first time, his touch felt like parasites crawling over my skin.
“I don’t feel too good,” I said, my legs itching to run away. “Can you manage if I head home?”
“Of course,” he agreed, concern wrinkling his forehead. “Are you okay?”
“Headache,” I lied. If he could do it then so could I. “Too many late nights I think.”
“Well sure. Things will be wrapping up here soon. I’ll see you when I get back.”
“Okay.” I forced a smile, hoping it looked convincing.
I didn’t tell him by home I meant my apartment. I needed to be alone to process what I’d just witnessed and decide if I had justification for doubting him, or if Ryan’s words were messing with my head.
I slept restlessly, but I still felt better when I woke up for the day. I had no doubt Matt had, at some point, slept with the woman from last night, certain the only women in his life he hadn’t screwed were Elle and his cousin, Ashley. Remembering how nervous I felt about seeing Ryan again, I decided Matt had probably experienced the same thing. Perhaps she came onto him and he feared my reaction, I decided. Maybe he thought the only way to prove himself to me was to try and hide his past.
Yawning as I made my way to the small kitchen, I checked my cell, noticing several missed calls and texts from Matt. My stomach growled but I didn’t have any food because I spent most of my time at Matt’s place, so I turned back, dialing Matt’s number when I reached the couch.
“Hey,” Matt answered, his voice husky and laced with concern. “I thought you’d be here when I got home. What’s wrong?”
“My place was closer and I needed to lie down,” I said, lying only about the reason. “I feel much better today.”
“Are you up for visiting Ashley with me? I’ve finally been granted permission by Adam Almighty to see the baby.”
Ashley delivered a baby boy two weeks ago but she and Adam decided they didn’t want visitors until they’d had time to bond with their new son. Unsurprisingly, Matt was pissed and spent an entire day ranting to me about Adam and his assholery.
“Sure. What time?”
“I’ll pick you up in an hour. We can’t be late or Asshat Adam might rescind our appointment.”
“Play nice, Matt,” I said, smiling. “At least while you’re there.”
“I’ll be the perfect angel. Can’t promise I won’t wanna punch something when we leave though.”
“I’ll bring a pillow. Maybe even draw Adam’s face on it for you.”
Matt laughed. “Okay, go get ready. Oh and Alex?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
With those three, small words, all my insecurities burned to ashes. “I love you, too.”
I showered quickly after hanging up the phone before brushing my teeth and changing into a pair of jeans and white vest. Food was out, so I poured myself a black coffee, wincing at the bitter taste coating my tongue. I made a mental note to buy some powdered creamer and then headed downstairs to wait for Matt outside.