Her voice was rigid and unfeeling. I rubbed my chin. She looked so different. A different Lia than I had ever seen. Manipulated and lied to. I glanced away, my eyes darting back and forth, unable to focus. I tried to sort through what she had said and refigure my own thwarted plans at the same time. I looked back at her. “And your family will give you this chance?”
“I don’t know. But I have to try.”
Tomorrow. I’d thought I had more time. It was too soon. The plans—
“Rafe?”
“Wait,” I said. “Let me think. I have to figure this out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out.”
“Does it have to be tomorrow? Can’t it wait a few more days?”
“No. It can’t wait.”
She sat stone still. What had happened while I was gone? But it was obvious her decision was made and final.
“I understand about duty, Lia,” I said, trying to buy time and think this through. “Duty is important.” And loyalty. I swallowed, my throat dry with road dust. “When will you leave tomorrow?” I asked.
“In the morning. Early.”
I nodded, even as my mind reeled. That gave me very little time. But one thing I knew with certainty, I couldn’t let her go back to Civica.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
There wasn’t much to pack. Everything I had would fit into a double-sided saddlebag with room to spare. I wasn’t taking the new clothes I’d bought. I’d leave those here for Pauline, since I couldn’t wear them in Civica anyway. I’d take some food too, but this time I’d be staying at inns along the way. That was one of the concessions I’d made when Pauline angrily threw the pouch of jewels I had given her back in my face. We had argued all afternoon. There had been words with Berdi too, but she finally accepted that I had to go. As for Gwyneth, I think she knew all along, even before I did.
But Pauline had become fierce in a way I had never seen. She finally stomped off to the tavern when I pulled my bag from the wardrobe. I couldn’t tell her that hers had been one of the faces I had seen in the meadow. A face like Greta’s, open-eyed but not seeing, another casualty if I didn’t do something.
Whether the alliance ended up being effective or not, I couldn’t take the chance of even one more person I loved being destroyed if I might have been able to prevent it. I looked around the small cottage to see if I had forgotten anything and saw my garland of lavender flowers hanging from the bedpost. I couldn’t take it with me. The dried flowers would only be crushed in the saddlebag. I lifted it from the bedpost and held it to my face, sniffing the fading scent. Rafe.
I closed my eyes, trying to force away the sting. Even though there was nothing he could say or do to make me change my mind, I’d thought he’d at least try to talk me out of it. More than try—demand. I had wanted him to give me a hundred reasons why I should stay. He hadn’t even given me one. Was it that easy to let me go?
I understand about duty.
I swiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks.
Maybe he had seen it in my face. Maybe he’d heard the resolve in my voice. Maybe he’d been trying to make it easier for me.
Maybe I was just making excuses for him.
Lia, I have to take care of something early, but mid-morning I’ll meet you at the blue cistern for one last good-bye. You shouldn’t be farther than that by then. Promise you’ll meet me there.
What good would one last good-bye do? Wouldn’t it just prolong the pain? I should have told him no, but I couldn’t do that either. I saw the anguish in his face, as if he were battling something large and cruel. My news had jolted him. Maybe that was all I needed, some sign that he didn’t want me to go.
He had pulled me into his arms and kissed me gently, sweetly, like the first time he had kissed me, remorseful as he had been that night.
“Lia,” he whispered. “Lia.” And I heard the words I love you, even if he didn’t say them.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
I hugged Berdi. Kissed her cheek. I hugged her again. I’d already said my good-byes last night, but Berdi and Gwyneth were both out on the tavern porch again early this morning with enough food stuffed into burlap sacks to feed two.
Rafe and Kaden were both gone before I was up. I was sorry I didn’t at least get to say good-bye to Kaden, but I knew I’d see Rafe later at the cistern. What was all this business he suddenly had to take care of? Maybe today was the day everyone had to live up to past lives and duties. Pauline and I had had more words before we went to bed, and she was out of the cottage even before I was this morning. There had been no good-byes between us.
I hugged Gwyneth. “You’ll look after Pauline, won’t you?”
“Of course,” she whispered.