I even felt safe.
He felt as soothing around me as he always had, and I hated that.
“Number twenty.”
I gazed up, my gaze clashing with his. “What?”
“Where I went was number twenty.” His throat jumped. “Where I went… Why I left was reason number twenty why I’m fucked up. It’s not blank like my last note.”
He stopped our sway, gentle music playing around us. I gauged now it was playing from the stadium’s speakers.
“And it’s not the last reason I am.” His throat jumped. “It’s not, but it’s a big one. Maybe even the biggest.”
His breath was shallow, weighted as he took my hands.
“When things get real, I don’t handle it. It’s easier not to trust my instincts. It’s easier to question shit even when shit is good. Even when…” He blinked. “I question everything. I don’t trust myself to do the right thing. I always fuck up like with that shit with Charlie.”
“Dorian…”
He squeezed my hands. “Now, ask me what I’m going to do about it. Tell me to tell you what I’m going to do to fix it.”
I didn’t know if I wanted to know, my hands shaking in his. I didn’t know if I was ready to know.
“What are you going to do about it?” I didn’t know how he heard me. My voice was so quiet.
“I’m going to take a chance.” His hand covered the back of my neck. He wet his lips. “Because I’m so fucking into this girl. I’m into her, and even though she thinks we’re fucked up, I think we’re perfect.”
I gasped, my chest trembling. “You do?”
He nodded, a flush across his neck. “We make sense, and I’m going to take a chance against my own odds.”
Because he didn’t trust himself and still didn’t. This probably didn’t look right to him.
But it felt right.
It did for me too, and my gaze averted, tears in my eyes. It felt right, but he’d hurt me.
He caged my face, bringing me back. “Let me show you how much we make sense.” His eyes narrowed. “Let me kiss you.”
Dorian never asked for permission. He didn’t bother.
But he did today.
“Is it going to hurt?” Giving in to him had hurt before. It had hurt so bad.
His fingers curled against my jaw. “If it does, I’ll make it fucking better.” He covered my face. “And never stop fighting until it is.”
His thumb grazed my chin, and I gasped. “You promise?”
“I fucking promise.” He touched our foreheads together, hugging me close. “I promise.”
The words whispered in a breath, and when I lifted my head, I nodded. “I want you to kiss me.”
“Yeah?” His eyes crinkled, his grin slow. He tipped my chin. “Fuck, yeah.”
He covered my mouth, and when I gripped his lapels, he pretty much hugged me off my feet. He fused us together, his tongue easing into my mouth, and I smiled when he spun us around.
It was like we were still dancing, or up in that sky like he’d mentioned. It was night, and there was nothing but lights.