My forehead breaks out in sweat, but I refuse to say or do anything that would make him stop. I take a deep breath and try to relax and it works, some of the pressure eases.
“Fuck, you’re so damn tight,” he groans. “Spread your legs. Let me in.”
I do as he asks, spreading my legs as wide as they will go, relaxing my muscles, and giving him access to every part of me.
He pulls out, but not all the way, then thrusts forward again until he’s fully seated inside of me. I see stars as his shaft rubs up along every sensitive point within me I didn’t even know could be reached.
“Oh, fuck!” he swears. “Goddamn. I always imagined. I always knew…it’s even better.”
I suck in a deep breath as he fucks me. Harder. Faster. Every in and out has me moaning and craving more. So, he gives me more. His fingers dig into my hips. His lips crush mine. I dig in my heels and push him even deeper inside of me.
This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. I never felt more than a slight tingle of excitement with Jared. This, with Nine, is downright nuclear. And any second, we’re both going to fucking explode.
His forehead wrinkles like he’s in distress.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, as my vision goes white with the intensity of the pressure building inside of me.
“Nothing’s wrong. Everything is right. It’s just…you.” His gaze never leaves mine as he fucks me over and over again until I’m so far into oblivion so lost in my own pleasure and the feeling as my core pulses around his shaft that I don’t realize I’m even screaming his name until he comes with his own deep guttural moan, and I finally come down from wherever it is I’d gone.
When I open my eyes, Nine is still inside me and on top of me. He’s breathing hard. Our chests heaving together. He moves a strand of hair from my eyes like he’s seeing me again for the first time. As if he can’t believe I’m really there.
“I never thought it could be like that,” I say, trying to catch my breath.
Nine pulls out of me, and immediately, I feel a deep sense of loss.
“Neither did I,” he says.
I laugh and sit up, pulling down my skirt to cover myself. “I’m sure you’ve been with plenty of girls that have rocked your world.”
Nine tugs on his jeans then sits back down beside me.
He’s not laughing. “No. Just you.”
A thought occurs to me but it can’t be possible. “Wait, you weren’t a virgin, were you? That’s just not…”
He chuckles. “No, I’m not a virgin.” Nine cups my cheek in his big, rough palm. “But, whenever I was with anyone else there was always this thing nagging at the back of my mind. Sex always triggered a memory, a highlight from one of the many living nightmares that I’d rather die than remember if given a choice. Things from my past. Terrible things I did. Terrible things done to me.”
My heart lurches.
He cups my face in his big palm, and I lean into it. “Until you.”
“What’s so different about me?” I ask. “Why me?”
His lips brush mine. “That’s easy. You’re mine.”
I smile against his lips. “How very caveman of you.”
“No, I don’t mean it like you’re mine, and that’s all you can be. I mean that you and me fit together. We work together. Like a bone and socket. Like a heart and blood. You asked if I believed in fate once. I didn’t then.” He trails the pad of his thumb over my lips. “But, I do now.”
I don’t remember ever asking him if he believes in fate, but it’s possible, because vodka. But the power of his words sinks in slowly until I’m overflowing with unfamiliar emotions that I never expected to feel toward anyone, never mind a man like Nine.
A criminal.
A killer.
My inner voice chimes in, Yes, but he’s your killer.
“I just never thought…” I start. “I don’t know.”
“Tell me what you do know,” he presses. “Start there.”
I swallow hard. “I know that the world is quieter when you’re around. Like I can finally think without the voice of my anxiety chirping in my ear. I don’t feel crazy when I’m with you.” I cringe when I hear myself use my least favorite word.
Crazy.
“I hate that word,” Nine grates, echoing my thoughts. He pushes a lock of unruly hair from his eye and tucks it behind his ear. “Little bird, you’re not crazy just because you think you act crazy sometimes. You’re human, and because you’re human by definition, you’re so much deeper and more complicated than a single word.” He tilts my chin up, so my eyes meet his. His frown deepens. “Hear me when I say that you are more than one thing. A person can be both sensitive and heartless. Both selfish and selfless. Quiet and loud. Fearful and bold. Jealous and proud. A killer and a savior. Flawed, yet perfect. We can love and hate in equal measure. We can be crazy sometimes and sane in the next.”