She sinks in her chair, looking deflated and disappointed.
“I’m making it your decision as to whether or not we keep a lid on this.”
Her surprised gaze meets mine again and a small smile appears.
“I don’t want people to know,” she admits. “I’m ashamed of him. My mother sucks ass, but at least she was there. Even if she did fuck me up.”
“Yeah… I don’t even know what to say.”
She looks back down and starts picking at her napkin.
“It’ll get better. I have Ruby now. She’s normal, unlike me. She lived through worse in her thirteen years with Mom than I lived in eighteen years. Do you know she used to make Ruby scald her skin in the shower because she thought her Kross blood made her stink more than a normal child?”
A knot bobs in my throat, and I nod slowly. “Ruby told me,” I whisper hoarsely.
She goes back to picking at the napkin. “She never made me scald myself in the shower. I think that’s when the fantasies started. I thought my father must be something truly amazing if his blood was so much better than Kross blood. Mom gave me her maiden name, and I guess I assumed all these years it was because she was keeping me a secret from him… Because she was worried he’d come rescue me.”
She’s fucking breaking my heart right now.
“Turns out the Kross blood is much, much better than the prestigious Sterling blood.” She looks up unapologetically. “No offense.”
“None taken,” I sigh, wishing I knew all the right things to say right now.
“Ruby went through worse, yet I’m the weak one.” She shakes her head, seeming disgusted with herself.
“You’re not weak, Krysta. You just didn’t have anyone else. There wasn’t someone there with you day by day who could remind you that your mother is sick and twisted.”
Her brittle smile takes the place of her frown. “Like you did with Ruby.”
I nod, considering talking is getting harder and harder. I feel like such a little bitch for even thinking I had issues now.
“She cries every night.”
A pang of guilt and regret hits me hard, and I clench my fists.
“She thinks I don’t hear her,” she goes on. “She doesn’t want me seeing how much she misses you.” Her eyes get very serious, and suddenly she doesn’t look so broken. It’s as though determination takes the place of pain for a fleeting moment. “I’ll hate you as much as I hate your dad if you let her go.”
I blink rapidly, trying to stop myself from losing it in the middle of the restaurant.
“Ruby’s letting me go,” I remind her. “And I don’t blame her. It’s selfish to even expect her to stay with me after the way I’ve treated her. She deserves a hell of a lot better.”
The disappointment in her expression is like another punch to the gut.
“Ruby is so complex,” she says randomly. “I’ve never felt like I know her. She’s this soft-spoken, cautious, big sister around me. With Jim, she’s a smiling, dry-humor daddy’s girl. With strangers, she’s cold and indifferent, giving everyone a fuck-off vibe that scares most people. She always seems so closed off with everyone. Everyone but you. It took me a long time to realize that Ruby is just Ruby when she’s with you. She’s someone else with everyone else.”
Everything inside me stirs, and I shift in my seat again. But hearing Krysta has definitely made me realize something.
I’m only me when I’m with Ruby.
“Has she gone through the boxes?”
She shakes her head slowly.
“Will you do me a favor?” I already feel like an asshole for asking anything of her.
“Name it,” she says without hesitation as a slow smile spreads, but it falls quickly when I tell her what I want.
CHAPTER 44
RUBY
“You want some more?” Bella asks, pouring more wine into my glass without waiting for a response.
I don’t bother giving her a pointless answer. I continue sipping the wine slowly, careful to not get drunk. Getting drunk could lead to drunk-dialing Corbin which would equal disaster.
“Have you talked to your friend? Her name’s Bo, right?”
“I finally talked to her, but I didn’t tell her what’s going on. She’s in Hawaii, dealing with some problem Bora has pushed on her. I just pretended life here was perfect, because it sounds like she has enough to worry about.”
“So she’s clueless. I’d kick Allie’s ass if she didn’t tell me something this important.”
Smiling weakly, I shrug. “You and Allie raised a kid together. Bo and I spent most of our friendship in different states. We’re not as close as the two of you.”
Five boxes are laid out on the table. Only one of them doesn’t look like it has been buried—which means it’s the newest one he was still putting secrets in. All of them are half the size of my smallest one. Why did he do so many small boxes?