Horrible timing is my dick’s specialty. That damn thing has done nothing but ruin my life.
Britt moves closer, her eyes on her phone, and I hear Ruby say something about… exploding heads?
“No,” Britt says, her volume much louder than Ruby’s. “I’m actually reading about sexual positions.”
My champagne sprays out at the same time Dane’s does. All at the same time, Dale groans, Kode trips over his own feet on his way back toward us, and Maverick curses when he drops his glass. It shatters to the ground, and we all five turn to glare at the redheaded pain in our asses.
She doesn’t even notice. Her damn eyes stay on her phone, where she’s apparently reading shit she doesn’t need to be reading.
“Really?” Bella muses, smirking in our direction. “What sort of sexual positions?”
Damn her.
Britt, being oblivious, answers her. “All of them. I want to be good at intercourse when I finally get the chance to engage in it.”
“I need to go shoot myself,” Dane grumbles, leaving our group.
I swallow back the bile in my mouth as Ruby and Bella both laugh.
Rain walks up with Tria as Kode barely reins in his temper. Rain and Tria exchange a confused look, and Wren doubles over in laughter.
That asshole.
“What’d I miss?” Rain asks. “Where’d Dane go?”
“Probably to bleach his brain,” Maverick says with a scowl. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to do the same. I obviously need mind-bleach on hand these days.”
“Someone take her damn phone away,” Kode snaps, still glaring at Britt.
“Why?” she asks innocently.
Sometimes I think she does shit like this just to fuck with us.
Bella’s smirk gives me pause, then she says, “You know, Britt, I could always help you out. Do you have any bananas?”
“NO!” Kode, Dale, and I all yell in unison while Bella walks away laughing at us.
I don’t like her so much anymore.
“Someone has got to fill me in on this banana joke now,” Ruby says with an arched eyebrow as she looks up at me.
I shudder just thinking about Britt learning that. Then I gag—no pun intended. Fucking nightmare.
Britt might only truly be Dane’s sister, but she’s like a little sister to all of us. And God knows she needs protecting.
“Bella was using a banana to demonstrate oral sex for Allie’s benefit,” Britt states matter-of-factly, drawing Ruby’s wide-eyed attention back to her. “Wren walked in and caused her to choke. I’m worried about choking, so I’m studying oral sex a little more thoroughly before attempting to use props.”
Fuck my motherfucking life.
Kode gags before walking away, and Dale snatches away Britt’s phone before storming off. Britt frowns at his back before reaching over and taking Rain’s phone out of her purse.
“I think I’ll take my research outside,” Britt tells us before leaving.
Rain lets go of the laughter she’s been holding back, while I scrub my face, letting Ruby go in the process. She doesn’t have to hide my erection anymore. My shit is hiding on its own after that cock-killing conversation.
Ash and Tag are too busy making out to even notice anything is going on anymore. I guess those myths about pregnancy hormones have been proven true.
“Never thought I’d see that,” Ruby says, motioning toward Tag and Ash as though she’s in my head.
I shrug it off, because I know in her head what’s going on. She’s wondering why Tag could be tamed but I couldn’t. She just doesn’t understand the truth, and I fucked up too much for it to matter.
“Oh shit,” Ruby says under her breath, drawing me out of my thoughts in time to see the familiar woman moving toward us, her eyes trained on Ruby with the usual expression on her face.
The second she meets my gaze, her smile instantly blooms, and I smile back.
“Mom, there you are,” I say as her smile gets bigger.
She comes to hug me, and I give her all my attention. My poor hair is about to get a lot of attention.
“I’m so proud of you!” she exclaims, smiling bigger than she ever does. At least she’s enjoying my misery.
“It was Ruby’s fault,” I immediately mumble, glaring over my shoulder at Ruby who is… Where the hell did she go?
It takes a few seconds to realize she has moved over behind Rain to talk to Tria about something. What the hell?
“Well, at least she managed to do something of value,” Mom says curtly, but before I can remind her not to say shit like that, she’s speaking again. “There’s a lovely young lady here I’d like for you to meet. Her mother is on one of the charity boards I’m on. She’s beautiful, smart, and a gem of a catch.”
And here’s the shit I hate.
“Not up for matchmaking, Mom. You know I don’t do that.”
“Just for a few minutes,” she goes on, tugging at my arm.
I really hate these damn functions.