Memories assault me, and it’s like I’m looking through the glass from the other side and seeing everything differently.
I watched Ruby sleep for hours today. She was curled up beside me on the couch with her head on my chest. When she would rouse from her sleep for a few minutes, I’d pretend I had been watching TV, since it seemed less creepy. All I watched was her. College starts next year, and she’ll be moving even farther away. I wish I could freeze this day in time and live in it forever.
It gets harder to swallow, and my tears start making it harder to see. I keep reading, and each scrap of paper breaks down everything I thought I knew about Corbin little bit by little bit.
Four hours and a full bottle of wine later, I’m still up, still reading… still feeling my heart ache with each new revelation. There are more secrets in here than I had. At least I think. It’s like he used these boxes as his way of having someone to talk to when he felt he couldn’t talk to anyone else about what he was feeling.
And every single bit of it is about me.
All of my secrets were about how dejected he made me feel after breaking my heart. How much it hurt to hear about him with other women. How much I wanted him to one day see me the way I saw him…
All this time, he was wishing the same thing, he just had no clue how to be the kind of guy he wanted to be. In a house as cold and sterile as his, I should have realized it.
I pour a new glass of wine, not feeling even a little bit drunk or sleepy, and I rub my sweaty palms over the thin material of my pajama shorts before opening the final box.
“You’re still up?” Krysta’s sleepy voice startles me into a squeal, and I clutch my heart as I look up to see her staring at me with droopy eyes. Her cell phone is clutched in her hand, though I’m not sure why.
“Yeah. Sorry. Did I wake you?”
She shakes her head. “I was thirsty.”
She lazily walks toward the kitchen, and I pull out a strip of paper.
I lost Ruby back in college, but I guess I keep hoping that one day I’ll get the chance to make it all right. All I need is one big break. One big chance. Giving her up is impossible.
Fucking triple dares. I’m tempted to triple dare Ruby to fuck me just so I can own her for a night.
My eyebrows go up in surprise, and a slow smile spreads. Hell, he was apparently thinking about that before he actually did it. Dad’s beer just gave him the excuse he needed.
“You’re smiling. Is that a good thing?” Again, Krysta’s voice scares the hell out of me, and I jump like I’ve just been caught doing something wrong.
“Just seeing things a little differently,” I confess.
She smiles a little before doing something on her phone, leaving me behind in the living room. She returns a few minutes later with another box in her hands, and I look up at her in confusion.
“Corbin gave this to me to give to you when I thought you were ready. If you’re smiling, then I guess you’re ready for the last box.”
I watch her warily while taking it, and I notice it’s another older one, given the amount of dirt that has gathered in the hinges. It’s also small, just like all of them.
She turns and goes back to her room, leaving me alone with the latest box. Abandoning the box I was working on, I move to the one Krysta just gave me. When I open it, papers start spilling out.
I paid Ruby’s boyfriend to disappear. She didn’t even cry when he broke up with her. It’s pathetic that I showed up in hopes of being her rebound, because that’s how desperate I’ve gotten.
My mind races, trying to figure out which guy he paid to do dump me, but I can’t figure out who. The more I read, the more I realize it wasn’t just one guy.
Ruby doesn’t even see me anymore. All she sees is Corbin… her best friend. I don’t think I’ll ever have her again, and it makes me want to tear someone apart. It’s all my fucking fault.
I blink back tears, moving on to another piece of paper. It’s as though he could easily say anything he wanted to these boxes, but couldn’t utter the words to me.
I got drunk, took a plane to New York to visit Ruby, then turned around and left as soon as I got there because she was with someone else. She’s dating someone again. I can’t believe I bought that damn thing and actually planned to give it to her. Then I saw her with him, and I remembered she wasn’t mine because I ruined it. I don’t even fucking deserve her. I should have stayed home.