“Can you get the food?” Zack asked, deep lines on his face that hadn’t been there a few days ago. “I need to make sure all my gear and stuff is ready for when I get the call about going wheels up—call could come at any point.”
“That’s fine,” Pike said, even though nothing was, not really. Not him and Zack. Not Nectarine, who was in surgery even as they spoke. “I’m going to heat up some leftover spaghetti for me. Want me to make a plate for you?”
“Nah. Can’t eat.” Zack finished taking off his boots and hurried down the hall, pausing to toss back over his shoulder, “Thanks, though.”
Like Pike was a stranger offering him food. And it was as sure sign as any that Zack was stewing over the encounter with his friend—Zack never skipped meals, and any other night, he’d be eating his plate and most of Pike’s.
But not tonight.
And maybe not ever again. Hell, that hurt. Just like when Zack had dropped his hand and fumbled the “just friends” line. Pike had known it was coming, eventually. Their cozy little cocoon couldn’t last forever. But he hasn’t expected it to hurt like a severed limb when Zack denied everything they had.
Roger all over again. Except whatever he felt for Roger had been kitten love—two friends rolling around, Pike building illusions in his head. Zack was real. Hell, he’d insisted just two nights ago that they were real. Pike wasn’t wanting a date to the fucking prom, wanting someone to show off. No, he wanted to build a life together. And that probably wasn’t happening. And that cut.
He ate his lukewarm spaghetti and halfheartedly poked at his lesson plan for the next day for an hour or so before exhaustion claimed him. A quick call to the vet had the overnight tech telling him that Nectarine had come through the surgery with flying colors. After a huge exhale, he stopped to take a fast shower before heading to his own room. He shut the door. Better get used to sleeping alone again.
But not five minutes after he flipped out the light, there was a knock on the door.
“You awake?” Zack called.
Fuck. It would be so easy to say no or better yet say nothing and let Zack walk away. “Yeah,” he said instead.
“Good.” Zack slipped in the room, not turning on the light, tossing something warm and heavy on Pike’s bed. “Gizmo’s all out of sorts.”
“Gizmo, huh?” Pike sat up to pet the cat, doing his best to ignore the man who hovered near the bed. He figured either Zack would work up to whatever he’d come to say, or he’d leave, but Pike wasn’t in the mood to make things easy on him.
“I had to say we were just friends. I know you don’t get it—”
“I don’t. Morrison seems like a nice guy. Not judgmental. Maybe he could be a friend—”
“It’s not about him.” Zack stopped pacing and sank down on the bed. “There’s this other guy, Cobb. And he’s a homophobic asshole. He’d make my life hell. Makes Harper look downright tolerant, and them and Rodriguez are all gay this and queer that with their jokes.”
“This Cobb, he’s hassled you before?” Pike guessed as he rubbed Zack’s bare shoulder, unable to keep from touching him now that he was talking—really sharing at last.
Pike felt Zack nod.
“Zack. That’s not okay. You need to report it.”
“The US Navy isn’t some ‘you can play’ commercial. This is just how things are on my team.”
“And you’re just, what—going to tough it out? For as long as you’re with this team? That could be a career, right? I mean, you’re going to be deployed with these guys. More than once, right?”
“Exactly.” It was the loudest Zack had ever been around Pike. “Exactly. I’m going to be deployed with them. And I can’t afford a single distraction.”
“So that’s what this is? What I am? A distraction? If you ask me, the real distraction is them harassing you—”
“You. Are. Not. A. Distraction.” Zack toppled Pike backward, loomed over him. “You’re my everything. And I won’t let them have you. Won’t them ruin this.”
“Then tell someone,” Pike begged. “Don’t let those guys win.”
“I can’t.” Zack’s voice broke. “You don’t understand.”
“Guess not.” Pike shoved at Zack’s shoulders. He couldn’t stand this.
“I don’t want to lose you.” Zack didn’t budge.
“Then don’t be so stubborn.” Unable to stop himself, Pike reached up and traced Zack’s jaw with his fingertips. “Please.”
“I wish I knew how to be the man you need. The one you deserve.” Zack leaned into the touch, like one of the cats, looking to soak up the last dredges of Pike’s affection.
“You are.” Pike pulled him down for a desperate kiss. “I need you to believe that.”
Zack kissed him back, and Pike swore he could taste his fear and need and underneath it all, his unwavering affection. Somehow this complicated, confused man had managed to see past all Pike’s jokes and flirtation and see who Pike was inside. Why did it have to be you?