Damn it. Tucker didn’t have an easy answer for that. He wouldn’t wish the struggles he and Heidi had had on him, but he also couldn’t live with himself if he gave Walker the impression that he resented having had the boys. And his perspective that he wouldn’t change the way things had turned out had taken years to fully achieve. “Maybe you’re too young to know right now.”
“I knew you’d say that too.” The trailhead was in sight now, but Walker slowed to a stop, bitter disappointment in his voice that Tucker would do anything to take away.
“What would you like me to say?” He moved so that he could meet Walker’s eyes. “What could help?”
“Tell me that you trust me to make a good choice.”
“I do.” They were among the hardest words he’d ever had to utter, but he knew not saying them could do permanent damage. “But I also want you to truly think about what it is you want. Really imagine your options.”
Surprisingly, Walker’s eyes actually fluttered shut, like he was doing that right then. “I try and then I can’t imagine not having Mary Anne.”
“Okay. Take your time. You still have all of senior year—”
“I get that. But some things are simply reality. Like long distance not working and there not being any oceans near here.”
Oh, how Tucker knew the truth of those words. Some things were reality for him and Luis too. He couldn’t magically make the kind of culture Luis loved appear here, the live music and plays and endless variety of eateries, and he couldn’t make the miles between them disappear any more than he could remove Luis’s past hurts. He was the last person able to argue with Walker. “I wish I had answers for you.”
“I know.” This time it was Walker patting him, and Tucker’s throat tightened. “And hey, if I do stay here, at least Wade can stop worrying about you being all alone and puttering around missing us.”
“That should be the least of your concerns.” Being stern didn’t work out so well when he was fighting against rising emotions.
“What is it you like to say? ‘I’m always going to worry about you. It’s my job.’”
He managed a laugh at that. “True, but—”
His cell trilled with a familiar tone, cutting him off. He groaned even as Walker made a “go ahead” gesture with his hand.
“That’s your work number, isn’t it?”
“Damn it, yes.” A few minutes later, he had all the details and a growing sense of foreboding. Hanging up, he turned back to Walker. “There’s a fire. I have to go after I drop you at home. I’ll call your mom on the way so she knows I may be busy a few days. They’re setting up a fire camp about an hour and a half east.”
“Understood. And worry about that, not me.”
No way was Tucker going to be able to follow that advice. His talk with Walker had only raised his level of concern for his son, but also illuminated some stark truths for himself too. And now he had to go and turn his attention toward work, but those worries were going to dog him the whole time. What he needed was life to slow down and stop throwing him curveballs, but he might be better off wishing for an August ice storm.
Chapter Fourteen
A weird mix of anticipation and restlessness coursed through Luis as he and Tucker loaded up his SUV at headquarters. The official vehicles were all already underway, with more personnel coming in private vehicles like them. Time was of the essence, and Luis could have caught a ride with some others heading to the fire site, but he’d chosen to wait for Tucker for reasons he didn’t want to examine closely.
“Thanks for waiting for me.” Tucker slammed the back of the SUV shut.
“Yeah, figured you might want some company on the drive.” Luis tried to play it casual, like him wanting to see Tucker alone before the chaos of the fire camp wasn’t a big part of his motivation for waiting. “You sure you don’t want me taking a turn behind the wheel? You look exhausted.”
Tucker wiped some sweat from his forehead. He was in forest service clothes, but his face was dusty and hair messier than normal. “Sorry. I barely had enough time to change, let alone shower or recover. I was out hiking with Walker. Took your advice and got him out of the house.”
Warmth spread though Luis’s midsection. He liked knowing he’d been able to help Tucker, liked being listened to. “Good. Did it work?”
“Sort of. He talked, but it’s not something I can fix. Big life direction and college questions.” Sighing heavily, Tucker leaned against the SUV, not making a move to head to the driver’s side. Luis took the opportunity to reach for the keys dangling from Tucker’s fingers.